Eat For Me
by TheStrangeAndBeautiful
Summary: Cameron is fighting to keep control over her life... She thinks she has found a way but House realises something is wrong... But not before she is so far in, she can’t see a way out. Issue: Eating Disorder. HouseCameron. Please RR!
1. Cameron, Coffee Control

Cameron walked into the office as early as usual. It made her happy to be early. It made her happy to do things well. To be as perfect as she could be. Everyday she saw sadness and illness and people who were out of control of their minds or bodies. Keeping everything in her life under control helped her to face those who couldn't. Helped her to keep everything together. And she seemed to be needing that control more and more recently. So many emotional situations. She couldn't help becoming attached to the patients. She couldn't help having empathy for them. Especially that one night. At 2.30. When she visited that patient. Released him from his pain. Made House proud. The thought of House depressed her just as much. The way she could fall into his eyes one second and be ripped apart by his words the next. If work didn't take her on enough of an emotional rollercoaster, then her relationship with him certainly did. She started to make herself a coffee. No wonder she felt the need for control over something. Control. Time keeping. Food intake. Her emotions when in front of others. Especially House.

Chase and Foreman walked in talking about a patient they had been working on in the day. Cameron had been home. She had the day off after a double shift and now she was back on the night, rested, showered and fresh.

'Do you want coffee?' She asked Chase and Foreman when they paused to consider the symptoms they were discussing.

'Yes please.' Chase nodded, rubbing his eyes whilst Foreman managed a weak smile and nod. She had already made the coffees and put the two mugs in front of them. They nodded their thanks.

'Tough shift?' She asked. She received some more nods and a mumbled response.

Cameron turned back to the counter and sipped her coffee, a small smile creeping onto her lips. She felt especially good today. Calm and together. Ready to face anything. She had only eaten a couple of apples on her double shift and then slept through the day and now she was feeling content. The coffee, her third since she had woken, would get her through the next few hours and then she would see how she was feeling. Nothing serious. She was just stressed recently and there wasn't a lot left in her life to keep control of. Like she had told herself, time keeping, food intake and emotions. She was early, feeling light and smiling.

House walked in and she turned around, the small smile still on her lips. He didn't waste time, throwing his bag at Foreman, an insult at Chase and a glance at Cameron.

She was so deep in thought that she barely heard the details about their new patient, nodding along to House's instructions and questions and following Chase and Foreman out of the office when they stood up to visit the patient.

'Cameron!' House shouted. She swung around.

'Yes?'

'Are you ignoring me?' He stressed 'ignoring', his harsh voice bringing her back to reality. He must have called her several times.

'No. Sorry, I didn't hear you.' She looked at him in a questioning manner. 'What do you want?'

'Name one symptom our patient has.' House raised his eyebrows in challenge. Cameron's eyes darted around the room, desperately trying to think. Had she even heard House mention a symptom? She looked back to him. He was smiling just a little and she knew he was enjoying himself.

'Erm. A headache?' She questioned more than told him. House's eyes lit up. He was really enjoying this.

'You've just won yourself a one way ticket to Clinic duty!' He nodded his head towards the door in dismissal. Cameron sighed, widening her eyes in annoyance. It was almost natural to show House attitude. He raised his eyebrows and she left. Once out of the office and down the corridor, she let her head drop. Tiredness hit her and she felt defeated already. Maybe not as on top of things as she thought.

House watched her go and his attitude also dropped, a frown heavy on his face.


	2. Stupid, Pretty Girl

I DON'T OWN HOUSE M.D.

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He was supposed to be looking after patients. Not his team. Not some stupid pretty girl who was clearly overworked and over stressed. She got too involved with people and now she was paying for it. Sensitive people get worn down quicker than hard people… House was slumped in his office, throwing his ball hard against the wall and catching it when it bounced back. She was probably just upset because of some kid who had cancer or…

'What's up with you?' Wilson appeared in the door way.

Cameron, house though.

'Nothing.' House snapped.

'House…' Wilson looked pained about what he had to report.

'Let me guess? Clinic duty?' House replied dryly, pushing himself to his feet with the aid of his cane.

'Cuddy's orders.' Wilson shrugged.

'Well why isn't Cuddy here then? Telling me herself. That way I could talk her out of it, which is…'

'Which is probably why she didn't come to tell you herself.' Wilson cut in. 'She's tired of arguing with you.' House took out his pills and threw a couple to the back of his throat swallowing hard. Wilson sighed and left him to it.

House reached the clinic, still annoyed with Cameron. If it was Chase or Foreman who looked a little overworked he wouldn't care and that's if he even noticed. Just because she was pretty… He was annoyed with himself for caring.

He glanced into one of the consultation rooms and saw Cameron sitting, talking to a little boy and his Mother. As House passed, she seemed to sense his presence and glanced up. She looked O.K. Maybe a little paler than usual, but…

He was _very_ annoyed with himself for caring but there was something irritating him… something not quite right…That he couldn't put his finger on…

But he shrugged it off with a frown and shake of the head before turning to face the waiting room full of 'stupid people'.

Plus, he mused as an after thought; if he's started watching her, asking her questions... well…then she'd think he actually cared… and he couldn't have that.


	3. Home Is Where The Food Lies

I DO NOT OWN HOUSE

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Cameron shook her head trying to snap out of the trance that seemed to be taking over her. It had been a couple of weeks since House had put her on clinic duty after discovering she hadn't a clue about the patient concerned and she hadn't slipped up since. See, she told herself, it just took time to adjust. Now she was used to the feeling of an empty stomach and control, she could deal with work again… properly. She had grown to love the feeling of floating… light headiness made her work harder to focus on something she had to do and so she did it better. She had reached the stage where she didn't even notice she was hungry – she was used to it. Of course, before she had felt this… On and off… If she had worked a busy shift and forgot to eat… but now it meant so much more. Now if she saw a patient scream in pain or sob with bad news or… die… now she could sink into herself… letting it wash over her… focusing on the room spinning or how little she had eaten. Not that she was eating too little… she knew her limits… And yes she had lost half a stone over the last two weeks but she would know when to stop. This was helping her at the moment: not hindering. She liked it. Of course it helped that the last two weeks had been particularly busy… she hadn't much time at home and that's where she gave into the temptation of food. Bored or sleepy, she would reach for anything edible and before she knew it would find herself looking at an empty wrapper or plate. That's when she lost control. That's what scared her. Here at work, with a sterile environment and patients crying and House insulting… here she felt safe.

Cameron looked up to see Chase entering the room.

'You going home?' He asked, slipping on his coat.

'No.' She said snapped before realising.

'Okaaay…' Chase frowned. 'Didn't you just work a double?'

'Yeh but I'm not tired and I have patients who I'm dealing with.'

'Is House putting you on clinic again?' Chase shook his head. 'You know, _he's_ supposed to do that… not you… Cuddy's orders. Just because you like him, doesn't mean…'

'I do NOT like House!' Cameron found herself snapping again. 'I am staying for me not him!' Chase looked offended.

'Fine.' He shrugged, turning to go. House pushed through the door and stood in front of Chase.

'Coat off.' He ordered gruffly.

'Excuse me?' Chase was getting angrier.

'You're no going home. Guy just came in. Head pains, sickness, nose bleeds... oh and he's gone completely psycho!' House seemed excited at the prospect of dealing with a 'psycho' as he kindly put it.

'I've just worked a double.' Chase took his coat off angrily.

'So?' House challenged. 'Where's Foreman?'

'I don't know.' Chase answered. 'But I hope he's in a better mood than you two.' He walked out of the office after glowering over at Cameron and House.

'Cameron in a bad mood?' House exaggerated his surprise. 'You're supposed to be all smiles and…' He was cut off as Cameron tried to stand up but swayed dramatically, grabbing the nearby counter just in time to stop herself falling to the ground. Concern passed over House's face but it was hidden beneath the sceptical frown by the time Cameron looked over to him. 'Have you been drinking?' House asked studying her with an amused smile.

'No.' Cameron scowled, still holding the counter with one hand, the other holding her head.

'Of course not. Because you're into meth… not alcohol… right?' House continued.

Cameron was scowling at him but she had lost some of the fight. Her eyes seemed emptier than usual. 'Are you…' House started but Chase and Foreman walked in and he stopped to look around at them.

'Found him.' Chase signalled to Foreman.

'No?' House exclaimed sarcastically. Chase rolled his eyes. House glanced over to Cameron. She was standing straight, smoothing down her hair… composing herself. 'So… suggestions?' House moved over to the board and began to scribble down the symptoms.

'What do you mean by psycho?' Cameron asked seeming herself again.

'I mean he turned on the nurse who was trying to get a blood sample from him, knocking her to the ground. He shouted and screamed and broke a window. He keeps chanting 'I need it. I need it. I need it!' House's eyes lit up as he impersonated the patient. Cameron and Chase exchanged incredulous expressions.

They discussed the male further until House ordered them to run a few tests. They started out of the room, Chase first, Foreman and Cameron following.

'Oh and Foreman?' House called. Foreman turned around. 'Watch Dr Cameron… she's…' He held up an imaginary glass and tipped it back and forth in front of his mouth. 'Drunk.'

Foreman's gaze shot to Cameron who raised her eyes.

'I am not.' She insisted looking at Foreman. Foreman looked between House and Cameron before turning to leave.

'What's going on?' He asked as Cameron caught him up.

'House being… House.' Cameron shrugged and that was enough for Foreman.

Cameron was annoyed with herself. She had done so well. Maybe she did need to sleep… but not at home. Maybe if she hid in the locker room for a bit, she could have a nap... the corridor seemed to lurch to the side and she reached out, hand finding the wall. Foreman, a little in front, didn't notice. Moments later and she was O.K. again. Foreman turned to wait for her to catch up.

'You meet Chase. I have to use the bathroom.' Foreman said. She nodded and continued to the room with their patient.

Chase was monitoring the patient who was currently asleep. Cameron started to speak but again the room lurched. This time it didn't stop. It seemed to be turning and spinning, tipping her up. Lights blurred together and she caught a glimpse of Chase's concerned expression before she flopped to the floor.

---------------

'Cameron are you O.K.?' She blinked her eyes open, letting in light little by little. Chase was kneeling beside her. She struggled to sit up.

'I'm fine.' She said. Chase stood up.

'Here let me help you.' He held out his hand and she let him pull her up. 'What was that?' He watched her.

'Sleep deprivation I guess.' He was still holding her arm. She made a point of looking at it and he realised and let go.

'Maybe you should go and rest.' Chase suggested.

'Do you mind?' Cameron asked. 'I won't be long.'

'It's fine. Foreman will be here in a minute.'

'Thanks.' Cameron turned to go but stopped at the door. 'Chase?'

'Yeh?'

'Please don't tell House… Or Foreman… Or anyone... I don't want House finding out… He'll only make one of his snide remarks.'

'Sure.' Chase looked a little puzzled but he nodded. 'Just get some rest. I'll cover for you.'

'Thanks.' She smiled weakly and left the room.


	4. Past The Point Of No Return

I DON'T OWN HOUSE M.D.

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Cameron reached the nearest bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. Why was she being so weak? She glared at her expression in the mirror. Granted she looked pale but that was tiredness. Not much else looked different… She was fine… Or so she thought.

Just as she had dried the water from her face, Cuddy walked in.

'Are you O.K.?' She asked.

'I'm fine.' Cameron was getting a little irritated with all this un-necessary attention.

'You look a little ill.' Cuddy smiled sympathetically. 'House overworking you?'

'I guess.' Cameron shrugged. The light was bothering her eyes. She just wanted to be left alone. She wanted sleep.

'Double shift?' Cuddy asked.

'Triple.' Cameron sighed.

'What?' Cuddy angered. 'House knows that's dangerous. Not allowed. You need sleep. Rest! Otherwise you could become dangerous to your patients… not to mention yourself!' Her eyes ran over Cameron's white face and dark circled eyes. 'Go home.' She ordered and Cameron felt relieved.

-----------------

A couple of days later she was back and feeling a little better. She was still in control. She was still loosing weight. It seemed to be dropping off now: with so much to do and so little food. Patients became less human as did she and she loved it. For once she knew how it felt to be House… to be hardened towards emotion… Her bones became sharper and her clothes baggier. She knew she didn't need worry too much about what others thought. Not yet. A little extra blusher and Chase had stopped giving her funny looks, House was too selfish to notice and Foreman didn't seem to have a clue. Her white coat hid most of her and weight she had lost could easily be put down to her illness/ stress/ tiredness. Part of her knew she was getting ill. Obviously she knew there was something wrong… having common sense could have told her that, let alone being a doctor. Dizziness, fainting, blue nails, constant fatigue, cold… But what came out of it felt more right than any of the feeling of wrong. Plus, she thought, she had come this far… She could hardly stop now.


	5. Happening Too Fast

I DO NOT OWN HOUSE M.D.

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A few weeks later and Cameron knew people would start to notice. It was getting to that point. She had lost so much weight, she was afraid to admit to herself the number. Because that would mean considering stopping. And she wasn't ready for that yet… she didn't want to feel pain again… not yet.

She dressed in her now baggy clothes, layering them to pad her out. She was generous with the blusher so she looked healthy and she left her hair down so that the curls would soften her sharp cheek bones. She knew she was thin but she couldn't see how thin…mirrors never told the truth and the feeling of numbness lessened unless she kept on losing weight.

Cameron walked into work. Chase was busy staring at a file and Foreman was making coffee. House didn't look up from the board where he was scribbling furiously. Cameron smiled. Everyone was always so distracted. She was O.K. No one would be noticing her today.

If only she knew.

After a briefing about a little girl who had a brain tumour, the team were dismissed. Cameron was still pleased with herself but as she followed Chase and Foreman out of the room, her name was called. Stopping, she turned back to see House watching her.

'We need to talk.' He said. Her heart skipped a beat. Not that she wasn't used to it. Heart palpitations were happening a lot recently.

'What about?' She moved back into the room. The table in the centre acted as a barrier between them. House watched her, a little amused.

'I need help with a diagnosis.' She relaxed. 'I've got this patient. Started off getting ratty, then dizzy, weak, fainting, pale and tired.' He paused to let it sink in. 'Then late for work, increasingly distant.' He paused again, watching her reaction as she realised but tried to hide the panic. 'Now, she's layering clothes and...' House rounded the table so that he stood right in front of her. Panicking, she reacted slowly and he had her hand in his before she could retract. For a moment, she was horrified… it had been so long since she had touched anyone. Then she felt calm washing over her. But he wasn't finished. Propping his cane up against the table, he reached into his pocket and brought out a small scalpel. He lowered it towards her hand. She froze, the horror seeping back. Confused and scared but too tired to fight. He caught her frightened expression. 'Sorry.' He tilted his head, still enjoying the situation. 'Nail polish is forbidden at work. New rule.' Carefully, he angled the scalpel and scratched it across the surface of one of her nails. The dark paint chipped off. He looked up at her face, satisfied. Cameron felt weak with helplessness. 'And she has blue tinged finger nails...and cold hands.' He stepped back, releasing her hand. 'Now Dr. Cameron, what on earth could be the matter with this patient?' He stared into her eyes for the first time in weeks and she was disturbed because she knew he had finally noticed. As his piercing stare bore into her own empty eyes, she felt a twinge of pain… that feeling she thought she had lost… and he felt the triumph over her fade with a bitter realisation. This wasn't a game anymore. He had been stupid. Naive. Just because it was Cameron… and he didn't want to _have_ to care. Thoughts raced through Cameron's mind and she surprised herself as she finally asked:

'Chase told you?' House looked equally surprised. 'That I fainted?'

'I made him.' House shrugged. 'Threatened 4 hours of clinic duty unless he told me everything he knew about you being…' House struggled for the word '…Wrong.'

Finally Cameron pulled herself into the right mind set – defence.

'I'm not wrong!' She snapped. 'Nothing is wrong with me.' House watched her in a pained disbelief as she began to try and convince him… and herself. 'Fine I may have been stressed lately…tired and a little ill… but everyone gets that from time to time and…'

'Prove it.' House barked.

'What?'

'Prove you're O.K. Let me run some tests. General check up. Blood tests, stress tests, _weight_!'

'No.' Cameron shook her head. 'No way House!' She was getting angry. This was not what she needed. House trying to break her down… just because he couldn't stand the thought of her hardening. 'He wanted her sensitive so he could hurt her. 'You just want me to stop being distant. To be how you want! You just want me back!'

House looked almost sad as she let her anger consume her, bringing tears to her eyes and irrational words to her tongue. When she turned to leave with her new found energy, he seemed to lose all of his. He was 20 years older than her, with a bad leg, bad temper, harsh words he couldn't contain and no clue of how he was supposed to deal with her pain when he already had so much of his own.

It had happened without anyone noticing… and now it was happening too fast.

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Please R+R


	6. The Acidic Taste Of Being Alive

House was angry more often and she could see the veins through her translucent skin. Chase kept watching her and Foreman kept asking if she was O.K. and 'did she want to talk?' Lights kept spinning. She was riding the carousel around and around and… her mouth was sewn shut and the pain killers she stole from the pharmacy were dulling that ache deep deep in her stomach. She noticed small things like how the sugar slipped off the spoon and into the mug when Foreman made his coffee and how the fluorescent lights in the parking lot flickered ever so slightly every 3 seconds. How when she drove, the rain streamed upwards on her windscreen making the world seem as though it were upside down. How when she stood up it was like she had just stepped off a fast rollercoaster and adrenalin was pumping through her yet when she heard a heart monitor beeping faster and faster, she felt calm take hold of her as though she were just waking up from a deep sleep and really didn't want to open her eyes. She noticed House's eyes dart in her direction every few seconds when he though she had her face turned away. But she didn't have to _see_ anymore. She could _feel_. Her emotions were so suppressed that all other passion and fear and anger and feeling expressed by other people pulsed through her until she breathed when they breathed; the acidic scent of being alive.

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Please R+R

I do not own House M.D.


	7. Of Course I Care

A fill-in chapter… You can probably tell I wasn't too inspired when I wrote this. The story is more about House and Cameron but I thought I'd better include another character's reaction.

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House found himself at Wilson's door. He barged into the office.

'Let me guess…' Wilson started. 'Cameron?'

'How do _you_ know?' House snapped.

'She looks sick, you're angry, you can't stop watching her with that 'concerned' expression you only have on the rarest of occasions…'

'So you think she looks sick too?'

'Well, yeh. It's pretty obvious. She's hardly glowing with health. Why? Did you think you might be imagining it?'

'I thought she might have gotten some _sense _by now.'

'What do you think is wrong?' Wilson asked.

'What do _you_ think is wrong?' House fired back.

'Haven't you asked her?'

'Haven't _you_?'

'Of course. So has Foreman, Chase… but she wont answer anyone. Insists it's stress and tiredness. I thought she might have told you?'

'What? Because she _likes_ me?'

'Because she's in love with you.' Wilson shot back. House frowned.

'Yeh, well, she's barely been acknowledging me the past few months.'

'So, what are you going to do about it?' Wilson probed. House, deep in thought for a moment, suddenly turned and started out of the doorway. 'You should talk to Cuddy.'

'That's exactly what I'm _not_ going to do.' He started off down the corridor, Wilson not far behind.

'Why not? She's clearly sick enough for you to be worrying like this and if she's that sick and she's not admitting it, she could be dangerous to her patients _and_ herself. She should be a patient herself! And if she refuses, she should be suspended from work until fit to do her job properly.'

'I'm not going to tell Cuddy!'

'You're _not_ going to tell Cuddy?'

'I'm sorry do you not _understand_ English anymore?' House jabbed the button on the lift.

'You don't want to know what's wrong? Not in the slightest bit curious? You don't care?' Wilson questioned following House into the lift.

'Of _course_ I _care_.' House said gruffly as the doors shut. 'Which is exactly _why_ I'm not telling Cuddy. She would send Cameron home or put her in hospital until she got better which would only isolate her more from the only people and place trusts.' He rolled his eyes. 'And I _know_ what's wrong. And I _can't_ believe no one else can see it. I mean, this _is_ a _hospital_ isn't' it? You _are_ a _doctor_?'

'Well, there is enough speculation…' Wilson interrupted himself. 'You're going to hide this from Cuddy?'

'I have something to try before I go shouting her illness in the corridors.'

'What?'

'Haven't you asked _enough_ questions today?' The lift stopped and House got out. '_Especially_ for a non-English speaking non-Doctor.' Wilson shook his head and sighed as House moved away.


	8. Eat For Him

O.K. So medically, this is probably really wrong but ignore that because it's about Cameron etc not what's wrong with the patient. Thanks.

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Cameron sat in the break room, one hand clutching a warm cup of coffee, the other placed on the cold table, thin fingers tapping out her impatience. House had paged her. Told her to meet him, Chase and Foreman in the break room so that they could discuss a case he and Chase had been working on the night before when she and Foreman had been assigned the beloved clinic duty. She took in the finger smudged on the glass door, the too full trash can, the deep scratch along the table beneath her moving fingers. She sighed to herself. Sometimes she missed feeling. Most of the time she didn't. She was cold and her breathing was shallow. She had considered stopping. But then… then a little girl had been brought in, screaming of 3rd degree burns and she had felt something tug at her emotions and she hated it. A door banged and when she looked up she saw Foreman sitting down opposite her at the table. Chase pulled out a seat to her right. They smiled slightly awkward. She raised her eyebrows, smiling sarcastically back.

'House will be here in a minute.' Foreman nodded.

'Right.' She looked into her coffee cup.

'Cameron…'Chase started.

'Don't.' She snapped back.

'Our _patient_,' House entered the room carrying a tray from the canteen. He slammed it down in front of Chase who scowled at him as a way of response. 'Is dying from suffocation.'

'Are you sure?' Chase asked.

'What's with the food?' Foreman asked.

'I'm _hungry_.' He whined. 'Missed my lunch.' He darted a glance at Cameron who stared coldly back. 'Now, we have…' He looked at his watch, 'less than 15 minutes before he dies.'

'What's causing suffocation?' Chase frowned.

'Why are we still sitting here if he's about to die?' Foreman asked. 'He should be in an operation now.'

'He was punched in the throat and his windpipe collapsed in. It's been getting worse due to…'

'Never mind that, why isn't he in an operation?' Foreman repeated.

'He can't be in an operation if the surgeons don't know he needs to be operated on now can he?'

'Why don't they know?' Chase asked.

'Because I haven't told them.' House shrugged.

'Why not?'

'That's your job.' House smiled annoyingly at Chase and Foreman. 'He's in room 303.' They stared, open mouths.

'Isn't room 303 a…' Foreman started.

'I would hurry if I were you.' House cut in. They stood and quickly left.

Cameron looked up from the table.

'Room 303 is a solitary confinement room for people with serious, contagious infections and for people who…'

'Well done Dr Cameron.' House took a seat opposite her. 'And guess who has all of the _only_ 3 keys that open the door to said _locked_ room?' He took 3 keys out of his pocket and held them up for her to see before putting them safely back.

'All nurses have the keys to…'

'Not to _those_ type of rooms. Jut encase some idiot is stupid enough to lose their key or go wondering in on a psychotic criminal or deadly infectious disease ridden…'

'So you've locked a dying patient in a room? You wouldn't do that.'

'What? – because that's just _wrong_?' He eyed Cameron's sallow face and dull glowering eyes. 'Just like you not eating is _wrong_ because it is _killing_ you.'

'So this is about me?'

'Yes.' House grabbed the tray and slid it in front of Cameron.

'Eat something off the tray and the patient goes into an operation. Don't and he dies.'

'You wouldn't do that.'

'Wouldn't I?' House was no longer intimidated by her stare. It had lost power.

'House…'

'Eat Cameron. You have…' He looked at his watch. '7 minutes before the surgeons need to begin setting up for the operation.'

'You can't do this House.'

'You can't watch someone die. Therefore, you will eat.'

'No I won't.' She looked at the tray. A chocolate bar, a sandwich, a banana, a plate of vegetables, a muffin.

'Just eat one thing and I'll save the patient.'

'This is so _wrong_.'

'You are so _wrong_ Cameron!' House exploded, standing up and throwing his chair out behind him. He walked around to stand behind her.

Chase ran into the room.

'House, the door – it's locked and Cuddy said her key had been taken, Foreman can't find the office member who holds the other key and I don't even know where there's a third key or if there even is one… we don't know what to do… we can see the patient dying through the window, Foreman is trying to break down the door and…' He stopped, taking in the scene. 'Cameron what's wrong?' Chase's voice dropped anger and turned to concern. House looked at Cameron who had silent tears streaming down her face. Chase looked from the food to Cameron crying to House standing over her. 'This hasn't got anything to do with…'

'Don't be ridiculous Chase. Do you _know_ what you're implying?!' House cut in.

'Right.' Chase was panicked. Confused. 'Well, I'm going to get security to help break down the door.'

'Yeh, like _that's_ going to happen!' House watched Chase run off. He looked at his watch and the crying Cameron. '5 minutes.'

'House why are you doing this?' Cameron took a deep breath.

'Because you're _killing_ yourself and you don't seem to see it!'

'I am not killing myself.'

'You're killing the patient.' He snapped.

'_You're_ killing the patient.' Cameron snapped back. 'And then you'll get put in prison for…'

'No I wont!' He scowled. 'Because you're not going to let him die.'

'You think that? You think that this sick and twisted game you're playing will get me back to 'stupid sensitive Cameron'?.

'Maybe I should have used a little girl.' House pondered out loud, keeping his gaze fixed on Cameron. '4 minutes.'

She sat quietly staring angrily at the tray of food. House didn't speak either. Another minute passed.

'3 minutes…Oh _come_ _on_!' He exclaimed. 'It's only a bit of food. It's not going to _kill_ you!' He rolled his eyes. 'Actually it's going to _save_ you.' He added as an after thought.

'I'm not going to eat it because of the principle. You should not have done this. And you _won't_ go through with it. The House I know _wouldn't_ go through with it.'

'The Cameron I know would have had the patient in surgery 15 minutes ago!'

Cameron's shoulders slumped slightly, her head leaning forwards, heavy on her scrawny neck.

'2 minutes.' House bent close and growled in her ear.

---------------------------------------------

Please R+R

I do not own House M.D.


	9. I Hate You

1 minute and a half and Cameron grabbed the banana. She quickly peeled it and started eating it, chocking on the taste and her hot tears. House watched her until he knew she was chewing and swallowing.

'Now we just need _Chase_!' He yelled the name. Moments later and someone rounded the corner. It wasn't Chase it was Wilson, Cuddy not far behind. Desperation in both pairs of eyes.

'House, do you have the…' Wilson started but Cuddy stepped in front of him.

'Where is it House?' She snapped. House looked at Cameron again just to make sure she was eating before digging in his pockets. He gasped dramatically.

'You'll _never_ guess what I just found?' He brought out the key, faking amazement. '_Quick_! I'll take it down to the room. No wait! I have a bad leg. Cameron – you take it! No wait! You're about to drop down dead. Wilson!' Wilson barely had time to roll his eyes. He grabbed the key before running off down the corridor. Cuddy stared at House in sheer horror. Cameron let out a little sob and Cuddy's eyes drifted down to where she sat, hunched over the tray of food, slowly forcing herself to eat. Cuddy's horror now mixed with upset and she felt tears creep into her eyes.

'What on earth are you playing at House?' She stared up at him open mouthed. 'What the _hell_ is going on here?'

'Hadn't you better get to the patient?' House turned his back on her, watching Cameron. Cuddy shook her head slowly before quickly walking after Wilson.

Cameron finished and sat, clutching her stomach, the tears now drying on her face.

'How do you feel?' House asked.

'Why did you do this?'

'Because I _care_ Cameron.'

'If you _cared_, you would have asked to talk to me.' She said anger rising. 'You wouldn't have put me in that position!' She stood up shakily. 'You thought this would work. That it would make everything better? I _hate_ you right now.' She spat. 'I hate you and the rest of this twisted world and that's why I have been doing this!' She hurled the tray of food against the nearest wall. House flinched. She stared at him, taking deep breaths, the energy used up in her anger. He stared back studying her. Finally, some of her breath back she said: 'You haven't' helped, House. You've just made it a whole lot worse!' And then she turned and left… to go home to sleep a deep sleep… that House worried she may never wake up from.

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Please R+R

I do not own House M.D.


	10. She Admitted

Another **3** chapters... I know they're short but at least there are 3!! Please R+R.

I do not own House.

* * *

'You are in so much trouble when Cuddy has finished apologising to that patient.' Wilson sighed.

'At least the patient isn't _dead_!' House snapped back. 'He should be grateful for his life.'

'And it's not like your plan even worked. I mean, sure you got her to eat but only once! Now she's angry at you and all you've achieved is nearly killing a patient.'

'It seemed like a good idea at the time.' House shook his head. 'Besides, it has achieved something.'

'What?'

'She's admitted there's something wrong. She's admitted what she's doing.'

'What did she say?'

'She said: '_that's why I have been doing this_!' House looked triumphant. Wilson shrugged. He was uncomfortable with the whole situation.

'You should admit her to hospital.' Wilson said firmly.

'I want her to admit herself.' House snapped back. 'That way she won't be resisting treatment all the time and wasting everyone's time and energy and potentially killing herself.'

'I see where you're coming from House but for all you know she's dying right now.'

* * *


	11. The World Of Thin

Cameron stepped onto her treadmill. Walking slowly, watching the digital numbers of calories burned rise steadily. Soon pin pricks of black started dancing in her eyes. She switched off the machine and moved to her bathroom. She stood shivering in the shower. Then she threw some clothes on fell onto her bed. Sinking into its warmth and depth until wrapped in blackness.

* * *

Her alarm pulled herself out from her sleep. Getting up was the hard part. Her head so heavy she had to gather all strength to pull herself into a sitting position. Once standing in the middle of her room, swaying slightly, she took some deep breaths. She gathered up her clothes and made it to the bathroom, shivered through another shower and dressed quickly but carefully. Firstly a bra. New and small. So small it was pointless other than to give her _some_ shape. Next, a thin strapped top. Black. Then a thin long-sleeved top. Black. Then a pretty white shirt that covered the black. Then a navy blue jumper. She lifted the collar of the shirt over the V-neck of the jumper and smoothed it carefully down, feeling her collar bones jutting out beneath all that material. Then some pants. Also new - so they would actually stay up. Then she slipped on her trousers. Black. Baggy. Then, began brushing her hair. Slowly, thin fingers stroking it into place. It hung down her back. Wet. Straight. Limp. Brushed. Then into her bedroom. She sat at her dressing table. She took the hair dryer and let the warm air gush over her, soaking up its beauty. As her hair started to dry, the curl crept back into it. She tamed it around her face, knuckles lightly brushing past her razor sharp cheek bones. Next her makeup. Mascara and eye-liner. Opening up the eyes she hadn't looked into for weeks now. Blusher, which stood out garishly against her white, almost translucent skin. Then lip balm. Smothering it thickly over her dried up lips. She looked at the clock. She was late again. Everything took such a long time now.

* * *

Please R+R

I do not own House.


	12. Sorry

Cuddy looked up as Cameron passed her office. She stood up quickly. She wanted to catch Cameron and talk to her. But... she stopped. What would she say? She had a pretty good idea of what was going on but what if she was wrong? She hadn't spoken to House yet. She needed to know what was going on before she started trying to deal with Cameron. She sighed. She still hadn't found the energy to speak to House. She was sad and confused.

* * *

Wilson passed Cameron in the corridor. As he saw her getting closer he slowed, nodded, smiled. He wanted her to slow down too… to talk to him. She walked on past, eyes to the ground. Had she even noticed him? He stood still. Defeated. Watching her round the corner as though she were floating.

* * *

Cameron didn't feel as though she were floating. Not anymore. She felt every step she took jolt through her body. The hard floor through the soles in her shoes. The dull ache on her head.

'Hey Cameron.' Chase and Foreman greeted as she walked into the break room.

'Hey guys.' She beamed back. They gave each other surprised looks. 'How are you both?'

'Good thanks.' Chase smiled back.

'Yeh, a little tired though.' Foreman also smiled.

House walked in.

'Have either of you seen Cameron?' He asked. 'Oh – _there_ you _are_!' He faked his surprise at seeing her stood there. '_Sorry_. Didn't see you … I guess that's because you're so _tiny_!'

'House…' Chase started.

'Don't worry Chase.' Cameron actually smiled. 'House is right.' The three males stared at her in surprise. 'I know I've been stupid recently. I'm sorry.'

'Does this mean you're going to…'

'I'm going to get healthy again.' She said.

'Wow!' Chase looked at Foreman, excitement in his eyes. Foreman nodded, also smiling. 'This is great Cameron. We're really happy – and behind you all the way!'

Cameron nodded.

'Thanks.'

House watched Cameron. He was not stupid. Not blinded by surprise and relief like Chase and Foreman. He knew she was lying.

House realised Forman and Chase were looking to him for a reaction. He nodded.

'Good to see you've come to your senses.' He said before turning to the board and getting out his marker pen. 'Now, where were we…?'

* * *

Next chapters get back to some drama... don't worry! Thanks for all the support. Please R+R.


	13. The Dance

A couple of weeks later and House was almost impressed by how well Cameron was performing. She made a point of eating in front of them. She smiled all the time. She got involved in cases. She acted upset when a patient was in pain or dying. She made eye contact with him.

Of course he knew what she was up to. She knew her job was at risk as well as her reputation amongst other employees. She knew Cuddy would admit her to hospital if she continued the way she was. And although she ate in front of them, it was only a few bites here and there… starting a sandwich on her way out of a room… or finishing a muffin on the way into a room. He knew the reality. She was throwing the rest away when people weren't around. Or stuffing it in her pockets when no one was looking. He would have been impressed if he hadn't been so worried. Still, Chase and Foreman bought it and Cuddy had certainly backed off of both Cameron and himself.

Sometimes, he would convince himself that she _was_ putting on weight. He would relax momentarily now and then… until she reached out to a patient and her thin wrist was exposed by her lab coat sleeve sliding back… or he saw her clutching her stomach… or caught her downing 3 glasses of water in the break room. And he knew that she saw him watching. She knew he knew. She was avoiding confrontation and he was trying to catch her out. He would look at her with concern and she would scowl back. She would catch him with pleading eyes but before he could get her alone, her eyes would be empty again. They were dancing with each other… And he was waiting for a fault in the music… a moment that didn't want to come… She was letting the tune carry her not thinking about what might happen when the music stopped. House sighed deeply. He realised just how worried he was. He couldn't convince himself anymore. He cared about Cameron. _So_ much… It was just so _wrong _that it had taken… _this_ for him to realise that… well… that he loved her.

House downed some pills.

The dance would have to end.

* * *

Just to let you all know, the next chapter is very dramatic.

Thanks for always reading and reviewing!


	14. Didn't you see?

* * *

Sorry I took SO long to update. I had exams and prom and lots of things happening. Tell me what you think and thanks for reading and reviewing!

* * *

'He's ready for the operation.' Foreman came to stand next to House who was watching the operating theatre from the window above.

'Good.' House nodded. 'Where's Cameron?' Foreman frowned slightly.

'She's scrubbing up with Chase and Dr Logan.' As they spoke, the three doctors entered the room below where a nurse was sedating their patient. House started towards the lift which would take him down to the operating theatre.

'What are you doing?' Foreman asked.

'What does it look like?'

'You can't just go in there.'

'I want to watch.'

'You can watch from up here and anyway, since when did you watch the operation. Shouldn't you be in your office watching TV by now?' Foreman shook his head in annoyance.

'No.' House jabbed the lift button. 'This will be much more interesting.'

* * *

Cameron felt as though she were drowning. Bright lights and shouting and some insistent beeping… but she was slowly drifting away from it all…

'He's going into cardiac arrest!' Some one shouted. Chase? She couldn't tell.

There was a nagging at the back of her mind. She was supposed to be doing something. She was supposed to be caring…

'NOW!' Who was that? She was so confused. But she needn't worry – the soft darkness – muggy and warm – was taking over her. Soon she wouldn't have to worry. Soon…

'CAMERON!' A pause. And then... something hard pushed her aside and she was knocked violently to the left. For a moment she lost her breath and she braced herself for crashing painfully into the wall… the bedside table… the…

An arm caught her awkwardly and hauled her into a more comfortable position. Slowly pin pricks of reality focused her eyes and she saw the scene in front of her. Chase, another doctor and a nurse working on a patient. She was behind them now, the other Doctor standing where she had been before. She was being turned around. Someone had scooped her into their arms. A cane was being held against her waist, keeping her pressed against someone… She frowned to herself. Was that House? Was it House carrying her down the corridor? – Slowly, painfully, lurching to the side as he stepped on his bad leg… She felt safe and let her eyes close once again…

* * *

'A heart attack is one of the most common causes of death for those with in eating disorder… in your case anorexia.' Cameron had just opened her eyes and already the gruff voice she recognised so well began to lecture. The piercing brightness of the lights caused her blink rapidly. She looked around slowly. She had been tucked neatly into a bed, her white coat removed along with a jumper.

'I'm not anorexic.' She tried to sound angry but her voice came out small and weak.

She wore just one jumper that covered a T-shirt and thin strapped top. The right sleeve of the jumper had been rolled easily up to her shoulder, exposing her arm. She had been connected to an IV drip. She could feel her trousers. She was happy that she hadn't been undressed.

'Wrong.' House said.

She looked over at him. He looked tired and his eyes were gentle, contrasting with his voice. He was sitting, not far from the bed, his cane resting across his knees. She felt as though she should be angry but she was warm… and House was caring… and she could feel herself giving into the tiredness…

_So light headed…_

* * *

'Cameron.' _Drifting in and out of sleep…_'Is she O.K.?' _Lights and darkness…_ 'Collapsed.' _Voices…_'Asleep.' _Nurses and friends… House… _'Drip fed'…

Drip fed. Panic filtering into her sleep. Drip fed. Food means feelings. Feelings mean hurt.

* * *

House studied Cameron. She was drifting in and out of sleep. Something was clearly disturbing her. He just hoped she would sleep for as long as possible for the longer she slept, the longer she was being drip-fed.

'Dr House.' Cuddy marched into the room.

'Dr Cuddy.' He raised his eye brows, waiting for what she had to say.

'What happened to Cameron?'

'I'm guessing you already know.' House snapped back. Cuddy put her hands on her hips, pursing her lips.

'Wilson said she passed out in theatre. Do you know how dangerous that is!?'

'She's sick.'

'And so she shouldn't have been at work! She's your responsibility House!' Cuddy watched his face and softened slightly. 'Didn't you see that she was sick?'

'Relax! There were two other doctors in there!'

'Did you know she was sick?'

'Did _you_?'

'You told me she was better!' Cuddy practically shouted.

'I thought she was!'

'You saw her every day – how could you not know? How could you not see? She…'

'_Because I didn't want to see_!' House yelled back.

Cuddy looked as surprised as House felt. He Sighed, letting his head drop. Cuddy quietly left the room.

* * *

He was supposed to be hard. People lie and that didn't exclude Cameron but… but he had let himself forget that. He was supposed to put medical issues before patients' words and emotions. He had let Cameron down because he had tired not to feel. Tried not to love.

* * *

Please R+R


	15. Too Perfect

Sorry for taking AGES and AGES to update. I started Uni and SO much has been happening!!

* * *

'I just think it's suspicious, that's all.' Foreman said. He had is back to chase, making coffee in the break room.

'What that an anorexic girl passes out?' Chase snapped back. Foreman sighed and turned around.

'No. That House wanted to watch the surgery as though he knew something was going to happen.'

'He was probably just worried that something might happen.' Foreman shrugged. Chase shook his head.

'No. House isn't about 'might'. He knew.'

'Well, even if that's true, what do you want to do about it?'

'We could do a tox screen.' Foreman passed a mug to Chase who accepted it with a nod. There was a moments pause. Forman expected Chase to be against the idea but he frowned, considering it.

'O.k.' Chase finally said. 'But even if House drugged Cameron, do we want anyone to know? I mean, it got her into hospital which is something she's needed all along.'

'True but it's dangerous. We don't know what he gave her or what affect it could have on her or her heart at this stage of her illness.'

'Fine.' Chase nodded. 'But we keep it to ourselves unless necessary.'

* * *

'I'm getting you a shrink.'….

Cameron opened her eyes slowly. She felt disgusting. She needed a shower and some fresh clothes and some cold water and … and no food. Cuddy was sitting next to her bed rambling on about different issues…

…'You can't come back to work until you are completely better physically and mentally and have been approved by doctors and psychiatrists and even then I will have to interview you again and …' Cuddy stopped, seeing Cameron's eyes. 'Look Cameron, I'm sorry. I hate having to do this. I hate the fact you are dong this to yourself. You are bright and successful and beautiful. I just wish you weren't ruining yourself.'

'Making myself better more like.' Cameron thought. 'Making myself stronger.'

'You've probably been feeling very drowsy.' Cuddy broke her thoughts. 'But you should be feeling more awake now. We've been drip feeding you. A nurse will be in to weigh you at some point in the morning.'

'What time is it?'

'About 5am.' Cuddy studied Cameron. Se looked so drawn. Pale. 'Get some rest ok!?'

* * *

'Cuddy!' She closed Cameron's door and turned around. Chase was walking down the corridor towards her.

'I was wondering, did anyone do Cameron's blood tests yet?'

'Yes. Why? You're not on this case!'

'I know – I just wondered if everything came back ok.'

'Well of course it didn't. She has been starving for months.' Cuddy sighed and turned to walk away.

Chase started to say something else but stopped himself. He didn't want Cuddy involved. Especially if it came back that House _had_ drugged Cameron.

The more Chase though about it, the more he understood why House had done it.

He crept into Cameron's room. She hardly made a dent in the pillow. Eyes closed. Breathing shallow. He just wanted to hold her tight. He pulled a chair up to the bedside and sat down. Slowly, he took hold of her tiny hand and almost gasped out loud at how cold and light it felt. He rubbed his own large and warm hands over the small fragile bones, trying to warm it up. Cameron groaned slightly, tossing her head from side to side. He put her hand under the blanket and sat back, afraid he would wake her. He thought back to when they were together. She was always thin but warm too. And happy. Or so he though. Maybe she hadn't been happy… and House, Foreman and himself had failed to notice. Maybe it was their fault. Chase sighed, lowering his head. As soon as he had gotten the blood sample, he was going home for a long sleep.

* * *

Cameron woke up slowly. She looked around for Cuddy. No one. She frowned to herself. She must have fallen asleep when Cuddy was in the room… or maybe just after she had gone… truthfully she didn't know. She didn't know anything these days. And being stuck in hospital for half a day and a night wasn't helping. She was probably being sedated so they could feed her. Which was _so_ wrong. She was an adult so it was her decision whether or not to be fed. No doubt House was behind this. She reached for some water. The cold liquid began to clear her head.

Within minutes, she had removed the tubes, snuck out of the room and was making her way to her locker for a fresh change of clothes. Thankfully she didn't see anyone who knew her or knew what was going on. She would have been more afraid if she hadn't felt so drowsy. She just padded down the different – too brightly lit- corridors until she reached the locker room.

Once there, she grabbed some clothes out of her locker and headed for the shower. She could hear someone in one of the cubicles but quickly locked herself in another. She took off her other clothes and let the water introduce warmth back into her icy body.

After what must have been half an hour, her mind started to become clearer and she shuddered to think of all that fat that had been pumping into her for all that time. She found her eyes filling with tears as she started to panic. Switching the shower to freezing helped to calm her down. She would shiver some of the fat away. Then she would go home and get straight on the treadmill.

Another half an hour passed and teeth chattering, lips blue, Cameron made her way slowly and painfully to her car.

* * *

'Well I spoke to Cameron.' Cuddy strolled into House's office where he was sitting, head down on the desk. He had done nothing since his outburst with Cuddy except for regularly checking up on Cameron. 'I'm getting her a shrink.'

'It won't do any good.' Came a muffled reply.

'What?' Cuddy snapped. House lifted his head.

'It won't do any good. Not unless she _wants_ to get better.' Cuddy didn't know what to say. House stood up. 'I am such an idiot.' He nearly shouted. 'I was so desperate, I've gone about this the wrong way too many times!'

'What do you mean House?' Cuddy frowned. 'Cameron collapsed. She had to be admitted. I mean, you're 'dying patient' stunt wasn't clever but you've done nothing else to be ashamed of…' House raised his eyebrows… 'Have you?' Cuddy looked stern but then she saw House's eyes and realised just how much this was affecting him. She softened. 'You know what, I don't want to know what you've been doing. As long as you're not risking anyone's life, I don't need to know.' She sighed then, slowly shaking her head. 'I just can't believe this is happening. It's all so surreal. I mean Cameron. She's so good. So sensitive. So perfect.'

House looked up from beneath his frown.

'Exactly.' He growled. 'She's _too_ good. _Too_ sensitive. _Too_ perfect.'

* * *

Thanks! I promise it wont take so long to update next time.

Please read and review.

Oh and do we want a happy ending or a sad ending?

Thanks!!


	16. Rain And Bones

'_You can't be that good a person and well adjusted.'_

'_Why'_

'_Because you wind up crying over centrifuges.' _

'_Or hating people.'_

That's how the conversation had gone. And now she could add 'starving herself' to the list.

House sighed.

If only he had looked after her better when she did let him get close. Like that time in the lab. If only he had hugged her… or… He shook his head. The whole thing was twisted.

Whenever there was chemistry between them it was intertwined with misery of some sort. Her misery and his power.

'_Turn around.' And she did. _That conversation played in his mind. He had the control.

'_I'm not crying.'_

'_O.K.' _

She had actually exposed her feelings to him. Why couldn't she do that now?

* * *

'Morning.' Foreman looked up as Chase entered the break room. 

'House drugged Cameron.' Was Chase's reply.

'I knew it.' Forman nodded.

'So…'

'So we report him.' Foreman decided.

'But she needed to be admitted.' Chase argued. 'And the drug didn't harm her. Just a simple sleeping pill.'

'Still, it was a stupid thing to do in Cameron's condition.'

'_No!_' Chase raised his voice angrily. 'What was a 'stupid thing to do' was _nothing!_ Which is exactly what we were doing!' Foreman looked shocked for a moment before slowly nodding.

'You're right. We say nothing.'

* * *

'Where the _hell_ is Cameron?' The nurse jumped as a cane smacked down on the desk in front of her. 

'Excuse me?' She stood up quickly.

'I came an hour ago and Cameron was in bed asleep. I come now and she's gone!'

'Oh.' The nurse but her lip. 'Well Dr House, we do checks as often as possible.' Seeing House's stony face she added 'She was pretty weak. She can't have gone far in that time. '

House grabbed his cane and sped from the room.

He reached the locker room but there was no sign of Cameron. Scowling, he swung around and started back down the corridor. He jabbed the button on the lift but it seemed to be taking years to come. In desperation he moved to the window over looking the car park. Horror met his eyes as he saw Cameron slowly making her way to her car.

'Damn it!' He shouted, causing some passing doctors to stare at him. He looked around wildly for the quickest way he could get to her and saw that the lift had arrived.

In agony from running, House reached the car park as Cameron was slowly pulling out of her parking spot.

'Cameron!' He yelled, trying to catch his breath. She didn't see him but he reached her car a moment later. He pulled open her car door. Cameron stopped the car. House watched her, waiting for her outburst but she just sat, staring out of the windscreen.

'Cameron?' He gently took hold of her shoulder, turning her to face him. She was stiff and shivering violently. House gasped. Her face was so white and her lips tinged with blue. 'You're freezing.' He breathed. 'Didn't your Mother tell you never to go outside with wet hair?' This was supposed to be one of his sarcastic comments but he trailed off. It just didn't sound right talking to her like that. Not now.

'I'm going home.' Cameron's face was set with determination.

'No. You're coming back into the hospital.'

'No House.' Cameron slowly shook her head, tears creeping into her eyes. 'Stop trying to control me.'

'I'm trying to help you!'

'No. No you're not. You don't care about me. I'm just another patient to you now. Another patient you need to cure.' Her teeth were chattering as she spoke. She looked at him defiantly.

House had finally caught his breath and as the panting subsided, he took in the rest of her. He could barely speak, horrified. She was only wearing a small thin-strapped top and skinny jeans and for the first time he saw how she really looked behind all those baggy clothes and layered jumpers and trousers, that he had left on out of respect when putting her into bed in the Hospital. Her her was dripping cold water that ran over her translucent skin. Her neck was so tiny and her jaw bone and cheek bones stuck out painfully. Her stomach was hollow, her chest hardly existent; replaced by bones, her... 'He swallowed hard, not daring to look further. She was not far off a walking skeleton.

She saw him looking and drew a sharp breath, uncomfortable with the scrutiny and looked away.

'Cameron…' If Cameron had looked into House's eyes then, she would have seen how he really felt. All his concern and love for he was brimming with the only moisture his eyes had felt in years.

But she didn't look into his eyes. She didn't look at his face. She stared out of the window and the cold that she felt in her body entered her heart.

'I hate you House.' She spoke calmly, coldly.

House let the hurt get to him for just a moment before he switched. All his anger and upset and general irritation with such a messed up pretty girl that he happened to love couldn't be contained anymore.

'Get out of the car he ordered.' But he didn't wait for a response, instead ducking in and reaching across Cameron to unbuckle her seat belt. As he unplugged it, he looked up at her face that was just inches from his. The tension then was only broken by how ill she looked. He straightened up and pulled her by the arm, not meaning to be so rough but he saw her flinch.

'You're so damn weak.' He growled but he took off his jacket and covered her in it before scooping her up into his arms for the second time that week, ignoring her protests. Leaving her car half out of the space, he slammed the door shut with his back and began carrying her back inside.


	17. Shrink

Dr Lewis spilt his coffee as his office door banged open and House marched in hauling Cameron by her arm. She was now wrapped in blankets but still too cold to put up much of a fight, instead ignoring the pain in her arm from House's grip and focusing on standing upright like she had insisted to House that she could, when realising all the unwanted attention she had been getting when letting House carry her.

'Out!' House shouted at Lewis' patient.

'Excuse me!' Dr Lewis stood up. 'Don't worry Angie.' He nodded towards his patient who sat looking startled.

'Out Angie!!' House bellowed. Angie stood up and left abruptly.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?' Lewis shouted.

'Keeping your appointment with Cameron.' House slammed the door shut.

'Sit!' He barked at Cameron who stood in the corner looking like she was about to make a run for it.

'It was earlier. I went to her hospital room but Dr Cameron wasn't there.' Lewis spoke calmly, mopping up the coffee with a Kleenex. 'Dr Cameron, I will gladly fit you in later today.'

Cameron nodded, quickly getting to her feet but one look at House and she sank back onto the couch.

'We're going to get this sorted now.' House sat next to Cameron.

'It's not that simple House.' Said Lewis resigning himself to the situation and sitting back down. 'And I doubt Cameron wants you here.'

'Well someone has got to look after her.' House snapped. Cameron looked at House as he said this but he stared ahead, jaw clenched.

'Dr Cameron?' Lewis looked to her for a reaction.

'I can't do this.' Cameron shook her head and started to stand. House grabbed her arm and pulled her back down again.

'Dr House…' Lewis began.

'Dr Lewis.' House raised his voice above Lewis'. 'You seem to have a problem knowing where to start. Let me help you. Cameron…' He turned to face Cameron. 'Why are you starving yourself?'

Dr Lewis raised his eyes to the ceiling and sighed heavily.

'You don't make things easy do you House?'

'Well we can hardly sit here and talk about the weather then schedule an appointment for next week. She could be dead by then!' Again he turned to face Cameron. 'So what is it? You're not happy with work? Or maybe you can't get over your dead husband? Or maybe, you just don't want to be fat!' Until now Cameron had been putting up with the situation but House was making her angry and this gave her strength.

'That was out of order House!' She raised her voice, again trying to stand. House pulled her back down, easily, due to her light frame. 'Stop it!' She shouted, standing up again. Again, he pulled her down, a determined look set in his face. 'Stop it House! Stop it! Get off me!' She yelled, tears streaming down her face in frustration, standing up and trying to shake his hand off her arm. Sobs erupted loud and desperate. '_Don't touch me_!' At this, House let go abruptly, a new strange expression taking over his face. 'Don't follow me House.' She gave him a warning look before walking out of the room, leaving House sitting, defeated and Dr Lewis frowning at the situation.

'I don't know what to do.' House finally broke the silence.

'It's hard to look after someone with an eating problem. They think you are trying to take the control away from them when really you are trying to give the control back.

'She seems very much in control if you ask me.' House sighed. 'She doesn't want food so she doesn't eat. None of this 'oh I can't help myself – I'll have a chocolate bar'.'

'That's how it started. But now, even if she wanted to eat, she would be too scared to.'

'She won't talk to anyone. She won't let us drip-feed her... I don't know...' House shook his head. 'She is a different person. She doesn't seem to care about patients anymore.'

'Did she care about them _too_ much before?'

'Far too much.'

'Well maybe that's part of the problem. She couldn't cope with all the emotions she took on from others… dying children, sick people, pain… So she wanted to numb the emotions. She needs to get a balance. If she talks to me I can try and help her.'

'But she won't talk to you. This situation is impossible!'

'These situations often are. She needs to _want_ to come here. She needs to talk to _someone.' _

'The only time she says _anything _is when she's angry.'

'Then she needs to get angry. Because if she doesn't talk, there's nothing anyone can do.'

* * *

Cameron slammed her front door shut. She felt sick. She hurt all over. All of her emotions were aching to burst free. Not enough energy to even cry, Cameron tried to walk through to her bedroom. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she stopped. Repulsed by what she saw, she found herself thinking about House. What was new? She was sick to death of thinking about House! Everything he did and said. The first time she met him…

'_Gorgeous women don't go to medical school. Unless they are as damaged as they are beautiful.'…_

…The last time she saw him and his rough hand kept controlling her! She looked at her arm where small bruises were beginning to surface. Anger began to well up inside her. How dare he? She had spent all her life trying to get him to see her and he had hardly glanced at her. But now she wanted to be invisible to him, he wouldn't look away!

Anger pulsing through her, drove her to the treadmill instead of bed. She would numb all off this returning pain.

* * *

'She's not that bad. Not like some of these people you see. She's not a total skeleton.' Chase said.

'No but loose a few more pounds and she would be.' Foreman sighed, draining his cup of coffee.

'I miss her.' Chase said after a few minutes silence. 'I want the old Cameron back.'

'The old Cameron was always obsessive. Just not about food.'

'Why do you think she does it?' Chase frowned.

'Because she's a perfectionist?' Foreman shrugged.

'So she's killing herself?' Chase ran his hand over his face. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before.

'I wonder where she is.'

'I wonder where House is. Shift started an hour ago.'

'Yeh, well, you know House…'

'Chase, Foreman. You are in charge today.' House barked, leaning into the break room.

'Why?' Foreman asked but House threw a file onto the table and left. 'Cameron.' Foreman sighed, answering his own question.

* * *

'Cameron open the door!!' House yelled for the 5th time. Again no answer. He was getting more and more worried. 'Cameron!?'

He looked wildly around, searching for somewhere she might keep a key. No where.

'Damn it!' He hissed, setting his cane up against the wall. Then he began shouldering the door, again and again until he finally broke it down. It was dark outside and the lights inside were off.

'Cameron?' He yelled again running from room to room, switching the lights on as he went so he could see more clearly. He stopped short in the hallway; hearing a strange humming noise coming from the living area. Running through he saw the source of the noise; the treadmill. The conveyer belt whirring around and around. Beside it he saw Cameron. She lay where she had earlier collapsed. When black was dancing in front of her eyes and she felt like she was flying. She had almost fallen off the treadmill, stumbled a few feet towards the couch but passed out before reaching it, crumpling onto the soft carpet… Where she lay now as House knelt beside her, frantically checking her vitals.

'On no. No Cameron! No damn it!'

* * *

Thanks for reviews!


	18. House

Fingers testing the pulse in Cameron's neck, House sighed in relief. It was weak but there. Gently, he lifted her onto the couch.

Panting from the shock, fear and adrenaline, he sat beside her, still testing her pulse with one hand and reaching for his phone with the other.

'Wilson. Get to Cameron's now. Bring everything you can. She needs oxygen, hydration. – just bring everything!'

'House? What's wrong? Should I call an ambulance?'

'Just get here now. No ambulance. We're good doctors and I'm dealing with this.' With this he flipped his phone shut and pulled Cameron into his arms.

* * *

Cameron opened her eyes. Everything was blurry. She felt something pressing over her face. Panicking, she began to pull away.

'Cameron it's ok. You're wearing an oxygen mask. You passed out.' Slowly she let her eyes focus. She was sitting up, supported by House. Wilson sat in front of her, eyes reassuring her. 'It's ok.' He said again. 'Just take deep breaths. Your breathing is too shallow.'

Slowly she relaxed, enjoying the warmth of House's body. But it didn't last long. Feeling some of the warmth in her right arm, she looked down to see House holding her arm steady as he held a needle in place. Seeing where the tubes led – to a bag hanging up- her breathing became erratic, panic setting in.

'No!' She groaned, pulling away.

'Cameron.' Wilson spoke firmly, holding onto Cameron as best he could without hurting her. 'You need to keep still.' But Cameron was struggling. He looked to House to worriedly. 'She could rip it out of her arm!' He warned.

'I know!' House snapped through clenched teeth. He was focusing on holding her arm still and holding the needle in place but Cameron was scrabbling at it, trying to get it out. 'O.k. Cameron!' House shouted. 'Hold still and I'll get it out!' Cameron looked into his eyes. 'I promise!' She stopped moving and he gently removed the needle. 'It should have been in long enough anyway.' He said looking at Wilson. 'You were extremely dehydrated. It was just hydrating you.'

'And giving you much needed nutrients.' Wilson added getting up.

'What happened?' Cameron turned to House who she was still leaning on.

'I came round to find you collapsed on the floor.'

'How did you get in?'

'I broke down the door. Which reminds me, you need to do something about that. Anyone could get in.'

'Here, drink this.' Wilson returned with some water.

'Thanks.' Cameron nodded.

'Wilson, will you go and get some food?' House asked. 'For all of us.' He added, seeing Cameron's panicked expression. 'There's nothing in this house except for water and diet soda.' Wilson saw House's face and nodded.

'Sure.' He got up and left them.

House shifted position on the couch so that he could face Cameron. For once she didn't look aggressive or angry. She sat meekly.

'I thought you were dead.' House growled softly. Cameron looked down.

'I'm sorry House.' She whispered.

He hugged her then. At first she stiffened and he expected her to protest but then she relaxed – not completely – but slightly and he too relaxed, almost enjoying the contact …if it wasn't for her too pronounced ribcage.

* * *

Cameron surrendered slightly. She was risking getting hurt. She knew that. But the roughness of House's facial scruff on her neck and his unique smell and his warmth and his strong arms and large body, making her feel secure… all pulled her in. Something she had longed for since that day she realised she loved him. Yet letting herself _feel_ was only going to end badly. With her being heartbroken. She was about to pull away…But if she let him believe she was surrendering, maybe he would back off. Then she would know how he felt and then she could be left alone to do what she liked… Maybe…

* * *

House pulled away and lifted her chin with his hand, looking into her eyes. They were glazed over… as usual.

'Are you?'

'Am I what?' Cameron question quietly.

'Are you really sorry?' House seemed to be getting angry. 'Or are you sorry I caught you in that state?'

'House, I…'

'Because you don't look sorry. You look like you are hiding behind your hunger like you always do!' He shook his head. 'I don't know who you are anymore Cameron!'

'You never did know who I was!' Cameron shouted back, standing up despite how dizzy she felt. 'You didn't care! You didn't ask how I was each day. You didn't hug me when I cried. You didn't care when I got hurt. In fact you enjoyed hurting me! You asked me questions about my personal feelings for your own amusement! And the only reason you're here is because you've made me a case that you have to solve!'

House stood up too.

'Solve!?' He yelled back. 'I know exactly what's wrong with you! You're pathetic Cameron. You think you're this dark mystery but your not! You're nothing but a weak, pale little girl starving herself! Who cares why!? Who cares about all your _emotional turmoil_ and _control issues_. All that matters is whether you live or die! And I am not going to let you die Cameron!' He took her shoulders and shook her. 'I mean what do you want from this world?! No it's not perfect. It's not all smiles and hugs and happiness. It's dark and it's miserable and people die and they're in pain and sometimes there is nothing _you _can do about that! Nothing _anyone _can do about it! It's a fact of life. And yes it sucks but….' He broke off, catching his breath before continuing his shouting. 'What do you want Cameron? I've tried talking to you. Dr Lewis has offered to talk to you. Chase, Foreman, Cuddy, Wilson…they're all here for you!' He took a deep breath and slowly, some kind of realisation spread across his face. His voice lowered. 'But talking doesn't save lives... It never does. It shouldn't have taken so long for me to realise.' With that he took hold of her arm and pulled her towards the bag that Wilson had brought with him.

'House let go of me!' Cameron whimpered in pain. 'House!' He looked at the pain on her face and loosened his grip but he didn't let go completely.

'It will only hurt if you struggle!' He growled, biting the packaging off a sterile needle.

'No House!' Cameron pulled harder causing him to tighten his grip.

'You need nutrients and if you won't let me give them to you, I'll have to sedate you.'

'You can't force feed me!'

'Who cares about your rights! You're dying!'

* * *

Cameron was in a blind panic and hardly heard the words that House spoke. All that she could think about was not letting food enter her body. House had gotten her in an awkward position. The needle was getting closer. She was shaking all over. House had gone crazy. She was sure he had. Sedation could kill her with her heart in such a weak condition. Or was that just a threat? Was that the needle the drip would be attached to? What the hell was going on? She couldn't see. House was blocking her view, her arm held out of sight by his annoying strength. The more she struggled, the tighter he held and the more she panicked. She felt like she was resisting something worse than just a needle…

The tip of the needle touched her skin and she lost control.

'House if you don't let go right now, I'll accuse you of rape.'

House slowly turned around, letting go of her arm. He looked at her, half disbelieving, half angry.

'There would be no evidence.' He finally managed to say.

'Not of actual rape but your violence has given me enough bruises to prove attempted. Plus you broke my door down. And then people would _finally _have an answer as to why _good, perfect _Cameron had gone off the rails!'

Cameron felt each word she said tearing her apart inside. But she couldn't stop. She was desperate. Out of control. It felt like someone else was saying it.

House stared at her.

* * *

'I got pizza, fruit, some groceries for Cameron and..' Wilson trailed off as he saw the expression on House's face. 'Is everything O.K.?' Wilson asked.

'Fine.' Cameron answered, not taking her eyes of House's and sounding unnervingly like her old self when she used to take control of situations. 'House and I just had a talk and I have decided I need to look after myself better. I let stress get the better of me. I realise that now. House is going to back off and let me do it by myself though because that's what it comes down to in the end. Myself. Only I can do it. Right?'

'Right.' Wilson nodded, frowning slightly and looking to House for a reaction.

'Cameron is going to take 2 weeks off work and is going to come back perfectly healthy.' House finally said, voice steady as though he were trying to keep control.

'But…' Wilson started to say that she needed medical treatment and close supervision and what about the mental side of it… but House cut in.

'She knows what she's doing Wilson. Perfectly well.'

Wilson was still frowning, looking between Wilson and Cameron.

'Let's go.' House pushed Wilson out of the door. Once Wilson had left, he looked back at Cameron. 'I'm impressed.' He said, his stare piercing hers. 'I didn't think you had it in you.'

And with that he left.

* * *

Dramatic I know. Read the next chapter though and let me know what you think. No flames! If it doesn't go down well, I can change.

Thanks


	19. Wilson

Heart racing, Cameron jolted awake from sleep. She'd felt like she was falling. Hard and fast. Gasping for breath, she reached for a glass of water. It was 5 in the morning. She could never sleep properly – too dizzy – mind on food – and House.

She showered and dressed in thick socks, comfy loose jeans, warm tops and a soft pale blue jumper. She brushed her hair and put on make up. She looked at the clock. It was 6.30am.

She pressed the flashing button on her phone answering machine.

'_Hey Cameron. It's Chase. I just wondered if you fancied going out for a drink some time? Or I could come to yours if you'd prefer? Anyway, hope you're ok. I miss you.'_

'_Cameron. It's Cuddy. I'm just checking in with you after you discharged yourself from hospital. I hope you know what you're doing… and I hope you're ok. We need to discuss a few things so if you could get in contact soon that would be good. Also you need to see Dr Lewis and we still need to get your stats – weight, height, blood pressure – you know the drill. So see you soon? Take care. Bye.' _

She moved through to the kitchen where she had some more water. She set about nibbling her breakfast – half of an apple. It was a good day she thought to herself, carefully wrapping the other half of the apple up and putting it back in her fridge. Sometimes she felt too sick to eat at all in the morning. She made herself some coffee and wrapped her scrawny fingers around the hot mug, absorbing its warmth. She carried it through to her desk and sat down to do some paper work for the Hospital. She kind of missed answering House's mail. He didn't give her that to do anymore. In fact… Cameron flicked through the sheets she had to work on…. He didn't give her half of what he used to. He'd been lightening her work load unnoticed. (No doubt Chase and Foreman had been given it instead.) Trying to help her in all these little ways. She felt sad then… the previous night creeping back into her mind. It was so strange the way her mind worked now. It only focused on one thing at a time. Last night seemed like such a long time ago. She shuddered, remembering the words she had said to him…

There was a light tapping on her front door. She took another sip from her coffee before walking across to answer it.

'Wilson.' She stood back to let him in.

'Hey Cameron.' Wilson nodded moving into the room. 'How are you feeling?' He asked as if he weren't sure she would respond well to that kind of question. But she smiled and nodded.

'O.K. thanks. Do you want coffee?'

'Sure.' Wilson nodded and they walked through to the Kitchen. Once Cameron had made and handed over Wilson's coffee, he sighed and said, 'House told me what you threatened.'

'Oh.' Cameron looked down.

'I'm surprised.' Wilson frowned. 'I didn't think you were like that.' Cameron mirrored his frown.

Nor did she, she thought.

'You didn't see how he was treating me.' She said.

'It's House.' Wilson raised his eyebrows. 'I can imagine.' He studied Cameron. She looked a little better than the night previous. Rested and showered. He felt very sad all of a sudden. Why did it have to come to this? He'd always thought Cameron was in the wrong line of work. Far to caring… but then… was it possible for someone to care too much? … Her small frame would suggest yes but all the good she had done would protest. And then there was House. Cameron had to nearly die before House could admit his feelings to himself…and he still couldn't tell her.  
'If he will do anything to a patient to keep them alive, then he's going to do anything _and more _to keep you alive.' Wilson finished.

Cameron looked up at him with her clear eyes.

'He really hurt me.' She replied. She rolled up one of her sleeves to show the bruises. Wilson frowned again. He took a sip of his coffee, unsure of what to say next. Cameron took a deep breath and moved over to the kitchen table where she took a seat. 'Wilson, if House was ever going to touch me, it shouldn't have been like that.' She rested her head on the palms of her hands, her elbows uncomfortable on the table. 'If he was ever going to notice me, it shouldn't be the only time I didn't want to be noticed by him. Everything is just… so wrong.'

Wilson took a seat opposite her.

'House always noticed you.' He answered. Cameron looked up. 'He just never did anything about it because… ' He shrugged. 'Well because he's House.'

'But last night. The way he treated me. So rough. I was… scared.'

'Were you sacred of House?…' Wilson said, raising his eyebrows in challenge, 'Or of being force fed by him?'

'Both.' She replied. 'He shouldn't have been like that.'

She looked down quickly, her eyes filling with tears. Wilson sipped at his coffee, thinking deeply. Eventually, he set it down on the table.

'Cameron,' She looked up. 'If someone was about to fall off of a cliff -or a tall building,- what would you do? You'd reach out and grab them of course. And you wouldn't care whether you gave them - bruises on their arms – or twisted their wrist –or handled them roughly - or _broke_ an arm for that matter… because all that would matter in that moment is whether or not you _saved_ them … whether they _live_ or _die_.' He stood up and pushed the chair back under the table. 'House wants you to live.' He said forcefully before turning to leave. 'Because he cares about you… Because he loves you.'

* * *


	20. My Way

Thanks for patience guys!

* * *

House glanced up from the TV screen to see a figure standing behind the glass door to his office.

Cameron was looking nervous but seemingly fresher and brighter than the previous night. She was wearing a pale blue jumper and she looked pure and sweet but too fragile.

She saw him look up and waved awkwardly. House rolled his eyes and she pushed open the door and stepped into the room.

'House…' She began but he cut her off.

'Wait.' He held up a hand dramatically. 'Do I need a witness?' She frowned. 'Encase you feel the need to accuse me of something.' He answered her quizzical look dryly. She looked down and sighed quietly.

'House. I'm here to apologize.' She moved closer to his desk, folding her arms in front of her.

House sighed heavily. He picked up a remote and turned off the T.V. He was tired and his leg ached. He hadn't slept for days. If he closed his eyes all he could see were Cameron's clear eyes and petite face and skinny wrists and hollow neck. And last night he hadn't even bothered trying to sleep. He found himself slightly impressed that Cameron could threaten someone like that and also slightly amused but neither of these feelings could cover the overwhelming hurt.

He sat back in his chair to listen.

'I…' Cameron stopped and took a deep breath. 'I didn't do it to be cruel to you. I was just desperate to not be…' She stopped: finding it hard to say. House raised his eyebrows expectantly. 'Fed.' She finally finished. House tried hard to hide his shock. Cameron looked away, uncomfortable with what she had just said.

'Well it's not like anyone would have believed you anyway.' House finally said, breaking the silence. 'I mean everyone knows it's me who keeps having to reject you.'

'Funny.' Cameron smiled slightly. She was trying hard to be like her old self but she felt weak and sensitive and very conscious that House was sizing her up – literally as well as metaphorically.

'So what do you want?' House asked bluntly.

'To…apologise.'

'You want your job back?' House snapped.

'I…'

'Is this another ploy to make me think you're getting better?'

'No!' Cameron protested. 'What I did… what I said last night made me realise how this has gone too far…' House took out his pills and threw some to the back of his throat. He swallowed them before taking a gulp of the coffee that sat bitter and slightly cold in front of him.

'House do you forgive me?' Cameron asked timidly breaking his thoughts.

'You would like that wouldn't you.' House growled, reaching for his cane and getting to his feet. 'For me to say that everything is ok and 'Hey Cameron, have you job back!' And then you could go back to pretending to yourself and everyone else that everything is fine and you're in complete control!?'

'No!' Cameron shook her head violently. 'I mean it House. I want to stop this.' She looked to his eyes but he wouldn't look up. 'I'm asking for help.' House finally tore his gaze away from the floor and looked into Cameron's eyes. He saw a glint of the old Cameron… just a small flicker…but that was enough for him.

'Fine.' He snapped not letting on how pleased he felt. 'I forgive you.' Cameron's expression changed and he saw just how tense she had been when her jaw muscles relaxed and shoulders lowered. 'But only if you let me help you get better.' Cameron opened her mouth but closed it again quickly and nodded.

'Thank you House.' She tried a weak smile.

'And we do it my way.' He motioned for her to sit down and walked behind her to pick up some sheets of paper that were balanced on one of his shelves.

Cameron sat down. Whilst House took his seat again she tried to calm herself. Even sitting down caused her pulse to race and hear to flutter. She felt strange today – like something about feeling wrong was… wrong.

House shuffled the papers. He had gotten them ready the first time Cameron had been put into the care of the hospital. They were for recording statistics – he needed to know what he was dealing with exactly before starting to try and fix it. Although – and he couldn't _not _admit this to himself – he was scared of what he would find.

* * *

Please R R

Thank you!


	21. Are You Scared House?

Cameron sunk into the corner of the couch and House leaned back on the opposite seat. Cuddy perched neatly on the front of the desk and looked at Cameron.

'I'm glad you've decided to get help.' She smiled. 'Now we need to get your statistics and see if you need to be admitted to hospital or if you can be monitored from home with regular check ups and visits to Dr Lewis.

'I should be ok to be monitored from home.' Cameron spoke sensibly and calmly as though she were discussing a patient but inside she felt panic rising. She didn't want any more control taken from her. She would do as House wanted… have check ups and help and advise but she didn't want to be sat in a glass walled room studied by passing nurses, other patients, Dr's she worked with, Chase, Foreman, Cuddy… House! She wanted some dignity and privacy.

'Well.' Cuddy and House exchanged sceptical looks, unseen by Cameron. 'We shall have to see your statistics before deciding.' Cuddy smoothed down her pencil skirt. 'I have asked one of the nurses to meet you in room B43 to get your stats. She should be ready to meet you around now.' Cameron nodded slowly and got to her feet. She glanced at House and left the room slightly uncertainly.

'I'm dealing with this.' House snapped once the door had closed behind Cameron.

'House.' Cuddy sighed. 'Your area of work is diagnostics.'

'And when I've found out what's wrong with a patient, I get them better.'

'Yes by referring them to a surgeon or another Doctor depending on their illness.'

'But if I'm unsure about their illness I keep monitoring them.'

'I think we're pretty sure of Cameron's illness.'

'But not entirely. There are thousands of different causes and reasons as to why someone would stop eating. We need to find out why and try and fix it.'

'That's a shrink's job.'

'No.' House groaned. 'That's exactly what I don't want.'

'You don't want Cameron seeing a shrink?'

'No. She can see a damn shrink. I just want her looked after. Not just another file in another drawer. Left to take as much time as she likes to recover, unseen, whilst adding to Lewis' bank account and…'

'People take different amounts of time to recover. Any psychiatrist will tell you that and Dr Lewis will work with Cameron in her own time.' Cuddy interrupted.

'Exactly! Cameron needs to know that she _has_ to recover _now_. Because people need her to and want her to… and if she doesn't she will die. She needs someone there to...' House shrugged. 'Give her a kick up her skinny little ass.'

'And I take it you think yourself perfect for said job?' House got to his feet and smiled sarcastically at Cuddy.

'Who better?'

'House…' Cuddy sighed again. 'There are feelings mixed in with this and although they _could_ prove useful, they could be damaging – they could make everything worse.'

'Cuddy. I need to do this. I need know everything that is going on with Cameron and I need to fix it. I can't sit back or forget or ignore this.' Cuddy saw the vulnerability and desperation in House's eyes and pursed her lips momentarily.

'Are you scared House?' She asked, unsure as to why this was the question she had chosen. Something flashed in his eyes but he covered it quickly and well before Cuddy could interpret it. He took a moment to phrase his reply.

'I'm only scared when there is nothing I can do.' Now it was Cuddy's turn to take a moment.

'Are you going to take 'no' for an answer?' She asked slightly pained by the situation. House gave another sarcastic smile and shook his head once.

'Nope.'

Cuddy nodded and reached for her phone.

'Laura?' She said after a moment. 'Is Dr Cameron with you?' A pause. 'O.k. Just hold off until Dr House gets there will you?... O.k. Thanks.' She placed the phone back and turned around to see House making his way to the door. He stopped once half way through it and nodded.

'Thank you!'

Cuddy found herself nodding slowly. '_Maybe this is the best plan of action_.' She thought. '_Well I damn well hope so.'_

* * *

_Please Review! Thank you!_


	22. Water Water Acid

* * *

The stairwell lights were dim and Cameron felt relief as the bright corridor was replaced by a warm orange glow. She moved as quickly as possible but each time she stepped down, a jolt shook her body. She counted the steps and the jolts. She stopped at the last stair to catch her breath. Once in the white brightness of the lower floor corridor, she made her way to the nearest water fountain. She pulled a water bottle out of her bag and began to fill it with icy water. Once full, she gave a quick look around and seeing no one looking in her direction, started to down it as quickly as possible. The back of her throat ached with the cold and she found herself breathing rapidly whilst she began to refill the bottle. Again she downed the water and found her whole head throbbing with the shock of the icy water. After her fifth bottle she finally allowed herself to double over and groaned with the pain that stretched her stomach. She took gulps of air trying to stop herself throwing up. Holding the water fountain with one hand and her stomach with the other, she stole a look over her shoulder. The only person looking her way was an elderly man sitting in a wheel chair. He looked away quickly as Cameron made eye contact but the frown on his face remained. Cameron already needed to use the bathroom but quickly continued to the room she was supposed to be meeting the nurse in.

'Hi.' She said breathily. 'I'm ready to be weighed.' The nurse turned around and smiled awkwardly. She knew Cameron from around the hospital and was clearly uncomfortable about the whole situation. Cameron stepped towards the scales. 'I'm in a rush.'

'I'm sorry Dr. Cameron but I've just received a call from Dr. Cuddy telling me to hold off until House arrives.'

Cameron's bladder was about to explode.

'Screw House.' She snapped. 'Just get this over with.'

Laura bit her lip, unsure of the approach she should take. With usually patients she would have been fine but this was Dr. Cameron. Dr. Cameron who was well known for being one of the lovely Doctors – always sweet and appreciative of the Nurses' work… Always so respected… but here she stood, slight and fragile and bad tempered. Laura opened her mouth to say something but Cameron grabbed her stomach and bent forwards.

'Is everything alright Dr. Cameron?'

'Look. Just weight me now or I'm out of here.'

'But Dr House said…' Laura stopped and looked over Cameron's shoulder. Cameron turned around to see House standing just outside of the door surveying the scene with raised eyebrows.

'Now we can begin.' Laura said relieved at House's arrival.

'Is there something you want to share Dr. Cameron?' House asked watching Cameron fidget uncomfortably.

'No.' Cameron managed.

'Oh come on!' House raised his voice. 'I'm not an idiot _Cameron_.' His stare pierced hers and she looked down, ashamed. He opened his mouth, ready to shout but just at that moment she doubled over and just managed to get to the sink before she began gagging. After a few retches, she began coughing up water. Laura looked away. House took in Cameron's matchstick arms supporting herself by holding onto the sink and her concave stomach at she bent over. He sighed and moved towards her. As she threw up the water her stomach refused to hold any longer, he tentatively gathered her hair and held it out of the way.

Cameron finally straightened up and tried to catch her breath. She was shaking uncontrollably, acid creeping swirling in her stomach as adrenaline shuddered through her body.

* * *

Please review. 


	23. Mirror Mirror, Won't You Kiss My Cheek?

Lyrics from Katy Rose, Because I can.

* * *

_**I keep on looking through the looking glass  
And I want to fall on through  
Out of the real world to a happy day  
Out of the wreckage that I do**_

Cameron stood in the centre of her bathroom. Her hair dripped over the pale skin which clung tightly to her frame of bones. She stared at her self in the full length mirror. Her clothes covered the floor and her blue tinged feet. The full length mirror was misted over from the shower's steam but as she waited, drops of water trailed down the glass, slowly clearing the mirror of its mask and revealing Cameron to her dazed self.

Cameron slowly reached out to the mirror. She hesitated for a second before letting her fingers brush the condensation away from the cold glass so that her face was exposed. She studied her lips and cheeks and nose but could not look into her eyes.

She licked her lips. They were dry and cracked and stung once awakened with saliva. Slowly she let her eyes take in the dark circles under her lower eyelashes.

She was about to force her eyes to meet those in the mirror but a drop of water ran down her cheek. Startled, her hand shot up to her cheek to wipe away the tear but her face was dry...

Had she begun to feel again – to cry? She had lost the energy to cry. She had lost emotion as she lost the last bit of warmth her body could no longer hold onto. As she had realised what she had said to House she had been slightly shocked to find that she couldn't cry and as she had felt her bones taking over her whole body she had been horrified but only deep inside. All feelings were dull… Finally she had reached the point of no emotion. She hadn't cried in such a long time now… but….

Now she met her own gaze quickly. Had it been a tear?

No. Her eyes were empty and it was no tear… just the condensation running down the glass …

__

I keep on dreamin' because I can even though my eyes don't close  
I keep on trippin' because its free to a place I only know  
I keep on dreamin' because I can even though my eyes don't close  
I keep on slippin' out of this life**  
**

The sadness deep inside tugged just that bit harder. Was she dreaming? Was she trapped insider herself so that she couldn't cry or scream or care? How had she turned into this monster who could even consider accusing her boss of such a terrible thing and could ignore calls from her family and forget about her friends and colleagues? Now she was looking into her eyes, she couldn't draw herself away. They were empty and emotionless and she hated her self for that. Yet, still entranced, she stared at the pupils, the colour, the white. She noticed how the rim of her lids were pale.

She struggled to stand to walk, to talk, to eat… to live yet non of this had bothered her until this moment. She had felt content to drift along. But now, as she stared into her clear eyes, she felt a sudden desperation to escape from herself.

_**Still my hand won't go to the other side  
My bony fingers stay locked here  
The glass is cold when I touch my face  
But I can taste my salty tears**_

She was tired and ached. Images from the past few months tormented her. Throwing up in front of House. Fainting. Making stupid embarrassing comments about patients possible conditions because she couldn't think straight. The way everyone had started to look at her. The way people had started to treat her as a patient. How the shelf stacker in the food store had stood staring when he saw her frantically reading the packet of every thing on the shelf. How people would eat differently when she was in the room. People asking if she was ok….

She let out her breath suddenly –she hadn't realised she was holding it.

_**  
I keep on dreamin' because I can even though my eyes don't close  
I keep on trippin' because its free to a place I only know  
I keep on dreamin' because I can even though my eyes don't close  
I keep on slippin' out of this life waiting for the drapes to close  
**_

Cameron shivered and looked down to see goose bumps covering her body. How long had she been standing there?

As fast as she could, she grabbed her warm bed clothes and began dressing. Thick socks, pants, baggy PJ trousers, a thin top, a loose fitting shirt and lastly, she pulled on a baggy jumper. She lifted her hair out from the collar – it was almost dry. She moved over to the bathroom shelves and found her watch. She had arrived home about 7pm and gone straight to the shower. It was now 10. Frowning slightly, she began tidying up the bathroom. As she scooped to pick up her discarded towel, black dots fizzed in front of her eyes and she lurched forwards. She put her hands out to break her fall but it wasn't as dramatic as she had expected. She merely dropped onto her knees – the dizziness creating the illusion of something worse. She was so sick of the constant dizziness. Angry with herself, she quickly finished straightening up the bathroom and started towards her bedroom. As she passed the mirror, she caught her reflection again but this time it was different. She looked pale and sad and smaller in both height and stature. She was cold and lonely. She wanted someone to hold her… to keep her safe and warm to tell her that…

_**  
Mirror mirror won't you kiss my cheek  
And tell me I'll be okay  
And warm my spirit with your sugar lips  
And help me wait for another day**_

Cameron shook the thoughts out of her head. She needed to shape up. All she needed was to wrap up tightly in her bed covers. Then she would feel safe and warm and when she woke up in the morning, everything would be alright.

* * *


	24. Fall In Love With The Empty Girl

Lyrics from Dave Navarro, Hungry.

* * *

'House. It's me…' Wilson's voice spoke through the answering machine. '_Again.' _He said wearily. 'Please stop ignoring me… I know you're there..' A pause and a sigh. 'Fine. When you're ready to talk, I'm here.' Another pause. 'Please don't shut me out. I'm here for you.'

House sat stiffly on his piano stool and propped his cane up against the wall.

Her reached into his pocket and pulled out his Vicodin. He popped off the lid and tipped some into his mouth – he didn't count how many.

He shoved the bottle back into his jacket and began to play. He tried something gentle but it didn't feel right so he started to play faster and louder and angrier…his fingers took control and he closed his eyes and tried to forget everything but the music.

He saw Cameron sitting across from him at the restaurant table as he tore into her with his words, trying to ignore her sweet smile and the flower he had bought her that she had pinned lovingly to her dress.

His finger skipped the right key and he opened his eyes sharply as the wrong note ruined the piece.

'_Damn it_.' He hissed. He slammed the lid closed and reached out for his cane but only managed to knock it so that it fell out of his reach. He sighed angrily and stood to up to move awkwardly over to it.

Finally straightening up, the cane firmly in one hand, he moved the other over his rough face.

He needed a drink.

The fridge door swung open and House grabbed 2 bottles of beer with one hand. He closed the door with his elbow as he turned to place the bottles on the bar but as he did, one of the bottles slipped out of his grip and smashed on the floor.

A silent moment passed as House stared at the smashed glass on the floor. He could feel the anger and frustration rising inside him and an angry groan mixed with a gruff scream burst from him before he could control himself. He threw the other bottle viciously against the wall, trying to shatter his thoughts of Cameron but she smiled and cried in his mind.

He left the kitchen, hitting the doorframe with his free hand as he passed.

'_There are only two ways I can deal with things. One is in my control.'_

That was what she had said. She was trying to be in control but had lost it a long time ago.

House thought of the first time he had noticed that something was wrong with her. He had seen her looking pale and tired and she hadn't seemed to be as bright and quick as always. He put it down to tiredness but then she started to look ill…

Since then so much had changed – the whole situation had gotten more and more out of control. Looking back House realized just how serious the whole thing had become… and he was scared.

_**If I go outside I'll feel much better  
Let me hit myself I'm starting to feel**_

He sighed heavily._**  
**_

_**  
And bleed**_

She was the opposite of him in every way possible yet they were both damaged… clearly. He was fine admitting it to himself… in fact it gave him a good excuse for some of the things he did. But admitting it about her was painful. She was sweet and happy and sorted. All she needed was someone to look after. At least that was how he'd seen her until now.

'_You live under the delusion that you can fix everything that isn't perfect. That's why you married a man who was dying of cancer. You don't love, you need. And now that your husband is dead, you're looking for your new charity case. That's why you're going out with me. I'm twice your age, I'm not great, I'm not charming, I'm not even nice. What I am is what you need. I'm damaged.'_

That was he had said. He had made it about him. He had told her how she felt and got it wrong. How dare he?! How could he have been so selfish? She wasn't looking for someone to look after. She was looking for someone to look after her.

House felt moisture in his eyes. Shocked and horrified, he wiped it away.

He cared about Cameron and he cared a hell of a lot.

He felt at home in his office watching TV whilst Cameron answered his mail or came in to tell him off about something. When he saw her crying, he let his curiosity take over his feelings and studied her rather than hugged her. But now he was uncomfortable around the hospital watching her float around the corridors like she didn't belong anywhere. Watching her disappear in and out of patches of light and shadow like some sort of ghost or broken angel. Watching her slowly fading away with each day that turned into night.

His feeling echoed off the corridor walls as he snapped at people who watched her pass but she didn't even notice and his heart ached along with his leg as she seemed to drift further and further out of his reach.

The twisted world had finally captured Cameron and she was no longer dancing through it all with her ideas of justice and happiness but falling through it all, becoming entangled in its darkness and pain.

Anyone else and House would have walked away. He knew that. But this was Cameron and he was damaged and she was damaged and yes… he loved her.

_**Please leave me here in the empty world  
Fall in love with the empty girl**_

_**

* * *

**_

Please let me know what you think ! Thank you for reviews!


	25. Morning Sunshine

I would just like to say thank you very much for all the reviews you've been kindly giving – they are really encouraging me to carry on with this story!

I've been away which is why there wasn't an update for a while but now I'm back and hopefully will be able to keep them coming more steadily.

I was just wondering if any of you know, in reality – and I stress the reality – if a doctor were to have a serious eating disorder, would this mean they were fired or would they be suspended until better or just allowed to keep working? I was just wondering because if I can, I will work close to the reality but if it isn't possible for my fic then will just carry on against reality under the security of this being a FICTION story. Thank you!! Please read and let me know what you think!

* * *

Cameron groaned and tried to roll over but she was so tightly wrapped in her bed covers that she couldn't move. There was an insistent banging coming from the front room. She let herself drift in and out of sleep for another few minutes but the noise didn't stop. Eventually, she fought her way out of the cocoon and went into the bathroom where she quickly used the toilet. Her apartment felt icy cold and she shivered as she padded through to the living room. The loud thumping on the front door couldn't be coming from anyone she knew other than...

'House.' She croaked swinging the door open. House leaning on the wall his cane poised in the air.

House took in her appearance with raised eyebrows. She was pale with dark circled eyes, bed hair, and a highly unimpressed expression.

'Good morning sunshine!' He spoke sarcastically, ducking into the apartment and hitting the door shut behinds him with the cane. 'I was worried about your front door but I see you got it fixed ok.'

'It was just a broken lock.' Cameron shrugged watching House survey her room.

House took in the strewn blankets on the couch, the piles of books on the floors and the general unorganised mess.

'Do you want coffee?' Cameron said heading for the kitchen.

'Sure.' House followed her. 'But before _you_ have one, I need to weigh you.' Cameron turned around and looked at House.

'You woke me up at 6.30 in the morning to weigh me!?'

'Yeh.' House nodded. 'That way you wouldn't have chance to water load or…'

'Fine.' Cameron snapped too tired and irritable to argue. She started towards the bathroom.

'You'll have to...' House looked around awkwardly… 'Strip.' Cameron turned around startled. 'So we get your true weight.'

'Just keep on one of those long baggy shirts.' He said in response to Cameron's reaction with a 'well that's obvious' expression.

Cameron went into the bath room and locked the door. 'And I'll hear if you turn on the tap….!' House yelled unnecessarily loudly leaving the threat hanging whilst moving close to listen at the door.

Cameron rolled her eyes as she stripped down to her pants. She removed the thin strapped top and put the baggy shirt back on.

House stepped into the bathroom. It was the only tidy space in the apartment that he's seen.

'O.K. Where are the…' He looked around awkwardly.

'Here.' Cameron reached behind a set of wicker draws and pulled out the scales. She placed them on the floor in front of House.

'Interesting.'

'What?'

'You're hiding them from…. yourself?' He studied Cameron's expression. She didn't answer.

'O.K.' He gestured to the scales and she slowly stepped onto them, holding her breath. House peered over at the number. He frowned for a moment unsure of whether the number could be right. He looked up at Cameron who was watching him for a reaction. Again he looked at the number, nodded and made a mental note trying not to show the shock on his face. Cameron jumped off as quickly as possible and House tried not to stare at her thin legs which were uncovered to her thighs. Was it wrong that he was both worried sick about her state and repulsed at how thin she was yet thinking, well… 'wow'.

2 cups of coffee and an episode of his favourite soap later and House was still waiting for Cameron to shower and get ready. He'd calculated her stats and was alarmed, channelled this into forming a plan. He needed answers but how was he supposed to get them? After nearly 2 hours of waiting and agonising over an approach, he decided to remain his blunt self and just ask away…

'Do you want more coffee?' Cameron came out of the bathroom, dressed very beautifully and meticulously, hair and make up perfect. He didn't understand where she got the energy from to dedicate so much time to appearance. He would have been much more comfortable if she was wearing sweats, with wet limp hair scraped back into a messy pony exposing a pale, angular face looking as though she were about to collapse. But this… it was wrong and went against sense and logic and it unnerved him… Just like the whole idea of Cameron doing this to herself. A smart, slim and stunning young lady who was on top of everything else a doctor. But then… this was something that could take a hold of anyone.

'Sure.' House nodded, following her with his eyes as she moved slowly yet gracefully around the kitchen area.

Cameron didn't feel graceful. Every movement hurt… her muscles felt sore and her head was pounding. But she was determined to keep herself together. That was the whole point in this.. to make herself a stronger better person. Well, it had been the point. Now she wasn't even sure where she was going with this and after she accused House, she was desperate to stop but… it was like there were two sides to her…

'Why did you water load when you'd just _so earnestly_ told me you wanted to get better?' House was leaning against the kitchen door watching her quizzically. She opened her mouth to reply but stopped, dropping her head to look at her new coffee machine. 'I don't… know.' She finally spoke trying to shrug off the visible sadness she suddenly felt.

'Breakfast!' House broke her mood by exclaiming brightly. 'On the eating schedule is…' He pulled a few sheets of crumpled paper out of his jeans pocket and unfolded it as Cameron rolled her eyes and pulled over a kitchen stool.

As House flipped through the sheets trying to find the eating schedule, she climbed up on it to reach a new bag of coffee from the top cupboard. She felt herself breathing more heavily as House began to read out her breakfast but put it down to her having to climb up onto the stool...

'Apple or…' House trailed off momentarily as he watched Cameron balance on the stool, still too short for the top cupboard. Mildly bemused, he looked back down and continued… 'some form of…' Cameron glanced over her shoulder to see that House was talking. But his voice was so quiet...

A ringing in her ears and a fluttering in her chest and she was floating and then… crack. A splintering pain shot through her arm and she let the fizz of darkness expand and fill her eyes… her mind…

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please review and let me know what you think! Plus if you could help with the above question, that would be great!


	26. What Becomes Of Us?

Again thank you for the reviews! A lot of you have been really really helpful so thank you!!

**IMPORTANT:  
****For this chapter, the lyrics are 'Cinephile', 'What Becomes of Us?'.  
I chose them because I can imagine the song being played at the end of an episode whilst the last few scenes are shown (the scenes being the writing **_**after**_** the lyrics). If you want to give it a listen, the one I imagine is the What Becomes of Us (Nesting Dolls Edit) – (CSI). But available on ITunes. **

* * *

'…and print a meal plan off the internet and just expect everything to work out?' Wilson marched beside House as he headed for the elevator.

House had rolled his eyes to find Wilson waiting for him as he'd entered the hospital lobby. Since then, Wilson had been irritating him with questions, ripping apart his plan and as usual, questioning House's sanity. 'Admit it House, you don't know what you're doing.' Wilson shook his head as House glanced over to him before jabbing the elevator button. 'You're trying to treat her like one of your other patients except you can't because she's _Cameron_! The other problem is that you're applying your usual equation to a problem that it doesn't fit. Find out what's wrong, work out what is needed to treat it and then begin treatment… but Cameron doesn't want treatment… and even in times that she does, you have to understand that it's so hard for her to…'

'Right. Because you know ALL about this!' House snapped. Wilson sighed.

'I know just as much as you but I'm not letting my feelings cloud my judgement.' He followed House into the elevator.

'So, I _shouldn't_ treat her differently because she's Cameron but I _can't_ treat her the same _because_ she's Cameron. _Great_!'

* * *

Cameron realised that she was staring at one of the hospital walls. Slowly, she let more light filter into her eyes and looked around. She tried to move but felt too heavy. Looking down at her left arm, she saw a cast had been put on her wrist.

'Great.' She muttered. She felt surprisingly numb after weeks of feeling pain and soreness. 'She took in the tubes and wires and realised what it must feel like for patients to wake up to find themselves wired to machines and fluids and not know what they were and how frightening it must be for them.' She calmed herself down. She would know what they all were when she focused. Head swimming, body numb and vision slightly blurred, she breathed deeply, attempting to sort herself out. This just caused to her to choke. There was a lump in her throat that caused pain when she tried to swallow. The panic was rising. Trying to sort out the pain and numbness and all the strange feelings in her mind – trying to separate the sensations and make sense of them. She ran her hand over her wrist and then brought it up to her face. Momentarily shocked, she realised that a feeding tube was attached to her nose. With this new knowledge, everything started to fit into place in her mind and make sense. She could remember snippets of the previous day. _The pain when she'd fallen… The panic that surrounded her in shouts and wide eyes as she woke momentarily in an ambulance… before a tightness in her chest pulled her into darkness again... Being held up as something was forced down her throat and the panic rising and rising as people grabbed at her, needles were pushed into her and a dull pain gnawed at her... Then the panic had suddenly subsided. She'd felt drowsy…House's blue eyes… and then…_ then it was now. She shuddered at the night-mare memory.

'How are you feeling?' She looked up to see a nurse moving around her bed, straightening the blanket before coming over to check her tube.

'A feeding tube?' Cameron croaked.

'It was necessary as soon as possible after your heart attack.'

'What?' Cameron frowned.

'You collapsed and suffered a very minor heart attack as you were rushed into emergency. 'You were treated and then given Nasogastric intubation. You need it to ensure a necessary weight restoration. As you can see, we're using the gravity based system for you.' She said deciding to inform Cameron as best as possible, given that she was a doctor. 'Seeing as it's for continuous feeding…but of course you know all this.' The nurse gently turned Cameron's arm and began to open a packet containing a sterilized needle. 'Obviously you received painkillers and sedatives to help you through the discomfort. This is just some more as the effects will be wearing off by now.' She held up the tube to show Cameron. Cameron nodded, dazed.

* * *

'How is she?' Chase and Foreman shot to their feet as Cuddy walked into House's office.

'Steady enough for now.' Cuddy looked drained and tired. 'Where's House?'

'He was with Cameron until an hour ago.' Chase said. 'I'll get you coffee.' He decided, taking in Cuddy's paleness.

'Thanks.' Cuddy nodded quickly.

'He went home to change I think.' Foreman said.

'Right…' Cuddy frowned.

'I know. Pretty odd behaviour, don't you think?' Foreman met her frown.

'Well,' Cuddy sighed, shrugging. 'I guess he doesn't know what else to do. 'For once House has no idea where to go from here.' Foreman nodded in thought. 'Foreman, I know this is hard on you all but I still have a whole hospital that's carrying on regardless.'

'Yeh.' He nodded, brought back to reality.

'I need you and Chase to pull together for me.' She turned to Chase as he walked back into the room holding fresh coffee. He nodded, catching the last part of the conversation. 'Do you think you can do that?'

'Sure.' Foreman said.

'I guess.' Chase shrugged heavily. 'It's not like we can be much use to Cameron right now.'

'Great.' Cuddy looked slightly relieved, some of her tension lifted.

'Chase, there's a back-log of work from the last month from diagnostics. I know it's not your fault – it's House's…' She paused tilting her head to the side, '…what isn't?' She had to add, '…but he's been tied up with Cameron recently and been doing even less work around here – not that I thought that possible but… Foreman, there are a couple of patients that could do with you applying some attention to figuring out what's wrong with them. Chase, when you're on top of the paper work, help Foreman.' Cuddy looked between them. 'You sure you're both ok to do this?'

'Yeh.' They nodded.

'Good.' She sighed. 'Things need to get sorted around here.'

* * *

Seconds after Cuddy left his office, House entered it, having finally shaken Wilson and his annoying questions.

'How is she?' He asked Chase who was gathering together some files.

'Cuddy says she's steady enough.' He spoke seriously.

'Good.' House grabbed a few things off his desk and headed back out of the office.

'House.' Chase called. 'How are _you_ doing?' House considered his answer before raising his eyebrows and deciding to ignore the question altogether.

* * *

Empty faces rushing by  
No time to stop and smile  
The flashing lights  
The dizzy heights  
Would make you run awhile  
Oh what

The ups and downs and roundabouts  
What are they leading to?  
The in-betweens and silly doubts  
How do we make it through?  
Oh what…  
_  
…Tell me what becomes of us_

Thinking it'd be better if  
Never happy with what is  
Something more  
Something new  
Would make it all okay  
Oh what

As time beats by  
We learn so much  
But still feel so alone  
Waiting for the answers  
For someone to drive us home  
Oh what

…_Tell me what becomes of us_

House sat in the corner of Cameron's room, playing catch with is ball and staring into space. Cameron lay still, asleep. Her thin arm lay exposed on top of the blanket, ready for administering medication. The plastic tube that was taped in place and led through her nose, down inside her, made her look unreal yet made the whole thing more real. The heart monitor beeped steadily reassuring him.

In the men's room. Chase splashed his face with cold water. His eyes were red rimmed with tiredness and his hair a complete mess. He attempted to straighten out his appearance but nothing really helped. He leant on the sink and stared at his reflection, trying to focus on something other than Cameron. A sigh later and he gave up, letting the bathroom door slam shut behind him.

Behind her closed office door, Cuddy wiped at silent tears streaming down her face.


	27. Have You Seen The Way He Looks At Her?

**_Thank you for reviews!_**

**1. I have uploaded a Video of this FanFiction onto YouTube. It is my 1st video EVER! Plus, I had limited clips but I worked on it for ages. I hope you all like it. PLEASE let me know what you think of it – either on YouTube or on here. It wont let me upload the link but type in: you tube . com / user / TheStrange7Beautiful (Note, Seperated so would let me include link.)  
2. I have written a poem – my second fic on FanFiction - which is really short and although separate from this story, is similar in subject.**

* * *

It was early evening and the gloom of night was beginning to mix with the soft sun set creating an eerie twilight. Cuddy sighed and closed her office blinds. It was 3 days later and Cameron was, well, not dead. She was stable now but still in a sleepy daze from the medication, occasionally surfacing from her state of confusion to groan about the pain from the feeding tube or complain about being stared at or the amount of calories they were pumping into her.  
House had finally stopped walking around the hospital insulting people and had started visiting her. He would watch with his blue eyes that softened at Cameron's pain and Cuddy would watch him, both amazed at how sensitive he could look and yet torn apart by the hurt in his eyes.  
The only drama had been when she'd woken in the middle of the night and freaked out about the feeding tube. She'd tried to pull it out and Cuddy had watched, upset, as a distressed House dropped his cane and shot to her side. A nurse was helping him seconds later and between them, they had her arms strapped to the bed and began trying to calm her down whilst attempting to stop the nose bleed which dripped down her pallid face, into the hollow in her neck and soaking into her light pink hospital overalls. What stuck in Cuddy's mind was House's face as he grabbed hold of Cameron's tiny, thrashing wrist and pulled it into restraints. He had winced at the situation and was horrified at what he was doing and when his large hand wrapped around her small wrist, he's stopped for a moment, looking to Cameron for a reaction, seeming to gasp to himself. Cameron didn't seem to notice until House pulled the restraint tight so that her thin arm couldn't slip out and then she looked up at him with her large clear eyes and their wounded expressions connected. Cuddy could empathise with each of them but she couldn't help but feel that there was something more to their gaze. Something beneath all the anguish… a longing. Cuddy couldn't help but feel guilty about having watched the situation and cursed the hospital's glass walls. As House began to tenderly mop up the blood from Cameron's almost non-existent neck, she had turned and left the scene behind.

A knocking brought Cuddy out of her thoughts and she glanced up to see Wilson entering her office.

'Hi.' He sighed wearily.

'Hi.' She nodded walking around her desk to sit beside Wilson on the couch.

After a moment of silence, each of them wondering where to start, Wilson suddenly said.

'Have you seen the way he looks at her?' Cuddy looked up at him and nodded slowly.

'I've never seen him like this before.' She replied.

'He's pretty much set up camp in the Hospital now.' Wilson commented.

'It'll get better.'

'Hopefully…' Cuddy shot at look at Wilson. '…sooner rather than later… I meant that!' He quickly added, holding up his hands.

'Yeh, well,' She stood up, 'We're going to need a plan of action for when Cameron's a little better.'

'Dr Lewis.' Wilson suggested, watching Cuddy neaten up the paper and pens on her desk.

'And when she can come back to work and how much she can do at work.' Cuddy added.

Wilson sighed again.

'This has gotten so out of hand. She's being force fed! I can't believe it's gone to this extreme.'

'Yeh well.' Cuddy raised her eyes, 'Cameron's never been one to do things by halves.' Wilson had to nod in agreement. 'I keep telling myself I should have done something about this earlier.'

'But you didn't know.'

'I knew _something_ was wrong!'

'Everyone has something wrong at some point. You just didn't realise that it was this… illness for Cameron. And no one is blaming you!' Wilson stood up. 'This is just one of those things.' He shrugged.

'How is she?'

'Same. A couple more nose bleeds since the nose-tube incident but nothing we wouldn't expect under the circumstances.'

'Well, we should get her off that method ASAP. We want her eating by choice. I'll get Lewis in there and we'll try removing the tube and giving her meals… keeping her on a drip to keep her hydrated.'

'And what if she won't eat?'

Cuddy groaned and closed her eyes. Finally, she put a hand to her head and opened them.

'Get House on the case.' She decided.

* * *


	28. Two Weeks Later

**Please note, chapter 27 is no longer a note but a real chapter. Thanks. **

* * *

'House it's been 2 weeks!' Wilson barged into House's office where he sat back, eyes closed, listening to music and ignoring the pile of files on his desk. 'Get in there and see her!'

'Busy!' House opened one eye to reply.

'I don't get you. Firstly you hover in the corridor but wont go into her room, then you wont leave her bed side and now you wont even go onto the same floor as her!'

'Relax. Chase and Foreman have got all the flowers and books covered.'

'Right, so her room with smell nice and she won't be bored.' Wilson snapped back, turning off House's stereo. 'But she'll still be ill.' House sat up.

'Before she was confused and half asleep.' He growled. 'Now she's all awake and…'

'Full of emotions!? Well there's a surprise!' Wilson cut in. 'She needs you House!' He watched House's reaction. 'She's not dealing with this whole 'recovery' thing very well. Fine you may have screwed up your initial plan of action but all of the feeding and therapy is being taken care of. Now she just needs someone to _be there_… to help her through this.'

'So go _be there_ for her!' House shouted back. 'Or tell …'

'She doesn't need me House!' He shouted and then… lowered his voice but spoke the last words forcefully. 'She's not in love with me!' He started towards the door, shaking his head and sighing loudly. 'Go and… _be_ where we all you know you want to be.' He glanced back before leaving the room.

House watched him leave, a twinge of hurt and guilt creeping into his eyes.

**Thank you for reviews. **

**Next chapter is a House / Cameron moment.**


	29. So Much Pain So Much Meaning

* * *

House sighed, rolled his eyes and then pushed the door open with his cane. The blinds were pulled across the floor to ceiling glass pane, meaning he couldn't peer through before barging in.

'What are you doing?' He asked, all plans to smile and say hello cheerily leaving his mind. Cameron was perched on the edge of her bed lacing up her trainers. He eyed her jeans and hooded sweatshirt.

'Going for a walk.' She said simply.

'You're not allowed to do…'

'Small amounts of exercise are allowed.' House turned around to see a nurse folding up Cameron's hospital overalls. 'Usually in the fitness suit as that way we can supervise but Dr Cameron's been asking to go outside for a while now and when Dr Wilson dropped by to say that you would be coming...' House rolled his eyes at this. 'I thought you wouldn't mind…'

'Yeh, yeh.' House cut in to stop her talking. 'How long?'

'10 minutes at a slow pace.' Cameron was out of the door and House quickly followed suit.

'Hey!' He yelled down the corridor dramatically. 'Cripple here!' Cameron stopped and glanced back.

'Even you don't walk that slowly.' She said critically watching his slow hobble.

She started towards the stairwell but a cane looped around her arm and pulled her back.

'Cripple.' He said again jabbing the lift button.

Once in the campus park, House relaxed slightly, as did Cameron.

'How's it going?' He asked weakly.

'Better now I don't have a tube rammed down me.' She snapped. And then: 'Sorry.' She put her hands in her pockets and looked up at the sky. 'Today's a good day.' She commented. House took in the heavy clouds, but realising the meaning of her comment, nodded slowly.

'Good.' He said simply.

'Have you contacted any family?' He asked after another pause.

'Don't!' She darted an anxious look at him. 'They don't need to know about this.'

'O.k.' House replied quickly, dropping the subject.

'Dr Lewis any good?' He said again after another pause. She considered this for a moment, squinting at a couple eating chips on a bench they passed. House watched.

'I haven't really told him anything.' She finally said, tearing her gaze away from the food.

'Really?' House raised his eyebrows, concerned but also a little happy about it. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of Cameron telling all her feelings to that idiot, although he knew she needed to talk to someone.

Another pause and House stopped edging around what he wanted to ask and finally said:

'Does any of… your unhappiness… have anything to do with me?' She stopped, wrapping her arms around herself and looking up at him.

'House…' She began but stopped. He ducked away from her expression.

'I need to know.' He said. 'I'm a jerk and I know I say things which…'

'It's not that.' She cut in. 'It's not about you being a jerk. It's not anything you said.' He darted a look back at her. She was staring into the distance so he could watch her without tension. 'None of this is your fault… I guess it just doesn't help that…' She broke off.

'What?'

She took a deep breath.

'That one day you can make me feel so good about myself and then the next, one look and my world would just… fall apart.'

He exhaled.

'Cameron, I…' He stepped forwards, his eyes saddening.

'I'm not blaming you House. I'm blaming myself. I've always been so… weak… too sensitive.'

'You're not weak. You're sensitive but that means you're…'

'Don't.' She shook her head. He stopped. The walked a little further in silence.

He glanced at his watch.

'We should make our way back.'

'Not yet.'

'You want to do more exercise?' He asked. She looked away. 'You know it's dangerous. Don't you want to get better?' He tried to speak gently but the growl was creeping back into his voice, a result of the anger and unease he felt. 'You nearly died and you want to…'

'I want to spend more time with you!' She suddenly burst out, cutting off his rant. House stared at her back. She was bent forwards slightly.

'Cameron…' He trailed off, annoyed with himseld. She turned around slowly and he saw the tears running down her face.

'I'm so scared House.' She said in a small voice, searching his face with wide, tear glazed eyes. 'Some days I can't believe what I'm doing to myself. Then other times, I feel pathetic and I _know _that I need the control. And then sometimes I just… I just want to give up and let myself waste away.' She spoke quickly, tripping over her words, tears running down her pallid cheeks. 'And all the time I feel like I'm suffocating in panic and…' She finally took a deep breath. 'And I'm always so scared.' A sob escaped. 'I'm so sick of this! I'm so sick of being afraid all the time. Afraid of other people...afraid of myself...' Her voice faded out as she saw his expression. The tears kept falling.

House stared at her. She was finally showing emotions that meant something to him. She was finally talking. Her eyes were pleading with his and he held his breath. What should he say? His eyes swept over her slight frame and a second later and he was holding it tightly. His strong arms wrapped around her, he hugged her. Gently but firmly. And she fell into him and sobbed. He looked around awkwardly for a moment before lowering his eyes, resting his chin lightly on top of her head. The agony he felt for her burned his eyes. They were in each others arms in an embrace, which held so much pain. So much pain and so much meaning.

* * *

Please let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading!


	30. Are You Happy?

_**Are you happy  
Please don't censor your tears  
You're the sweet crusader  
And you're on your way  
You're the last great innocent  
And that's why I love you**_

(Lyrics from: Mary Jane, Alanis Morissette)

* * *

Cameron let the semi-warm water gush over her. She flinched and closed her eyes as she lifted her head and it hit her eyes. She washed away the ache of sleep and her puffy red eyes. She quickly washed her hair, knowing the nurse would come in if she was much longer.

Pulling the towel tightly around her, she hugged herself, longing for House's arms to hold her once again. The first time she'd felt remotely happy in such a long time. The first time she'd felt safe in an even longer amount of time. He hadn't been to see her the day after that and she'd felt her hopes crashing, wiping at tears in bitter disappointment. Since she'd cried to him, the tears didn't want to stop flowing. Foreman had stopped by to tell her they had a serious case but Cameron knew that, case or no case, he was avoiding her out of awkwardness. She'd refused breakfast and was finally talked into drinking a fruit smoothie. Then Dr Lewis was called. That night Cuddy had stopped by to check the test results from the blood, weight etc tests that had been taken throughout the day. She seemed happy about it all and told Cameron that she'd be back at work soon. Cameron had looked in the mirror and hated herself.

Walking out of the shower room with just the white towel wrapped around her, Cameron stopped dead to see House perched on her bed, spinning his cane.

'_Good morning_.' He started cheerfully but raised his eye brows as he took in her attire.

'Err…' She widened her eyes awkwardly. House watched, slightly amused. 'I forgot these.' Cameron snatched the pile of clothes off of the chair and darted back into the bathroom. House couldn't help but laugh to himself, releasing some of the tension he had felt walking into her room. He'd felt bad about not visiting the day before but he'd felt so awkward, not to mention hurt. How would he look at her without his heart breaking? Now he remembered why he didn't visit patients.

Quickly throwing on her clothes, Cameron glanced at the mirror. She caught a small smile on her lips and looked again, surprised. She studied herself once fully dressed. She could see where she'd put on weight but unlike yesterday, she felt little anger towards it. She sighed. Everything was up and down all the time. One minute she wanted to curl up and die and the next…

'_Good morning_.' House tried again when Cameron walked out in her jeans and a white jumper. 'No hospital clothes today?'

'I'm fed up of them.' She shrugged. 'Plus Dr Lewis wants me to eat in a public place this lunch time to see how I cope.' She looked tired, he thought.

'Can I come?' He asked.

'Sure.' She nodded, slightly taken aback. 'My next meal is at 12.30.'

'I know.' He said before he could stop himself. She watched him curiously.

'Cuddy says you can go home soon.' His eyes followed her over to the window. 'As long as you're still seeing Dr Lewis regularly and of course provided you stick to the meal plan.' He said forcefully, challenging her with a stare.

'You didn't come yesterday.' Was her reply. She stared back but there was no sting in her eyes; if anything sadness.

'Sorry.' He said.

'Why?' She asked defiantly, head tilted. He narrowed his eyes, unable to contain the pleased smile. She looked just like she used to when challenging him about a case.

* * *

In the dinner hall, at 12.20, House piled a steak and some salad onto his plate, followed by some potatoes chips. He glanced across at where Cameron sat with Dr Lewis and took in the mountain of food in front of her. Rolling his eyes, he grabbed a yoghurt, a candy bar and an apple.

'You're hungry.' Wilson commented.

'You're paying.' Was House's reply. Wilson glanced over at Cameron.

'Or… you're trying to eat more than her so that she doesn't feel bad.' House ignored him, irritated that he always guessed right.

'3000 calories a day.' House finally commented. 'Must be pretty scary for someone used to living off water.

'Yeh.' Wilson watched House watch Cameron.

'Dr Lewis know you're sitting with them?'

'Not yet.' House pointed to Wilson when the cashier began adding up the total for his food.

House cut up his steak, watching Cameron cut her meal into small pieces. Dr Lewis eyed him, clearly irritated.

'Are you feeling anything that you don't usually feel when eating alone?' He asked Cameron. She looked up unsure of what to say.

'Oh please!' House growled.

'Dr. House, if you don't refrain from…'

'Alright.' House rolled his eyes. A small smile crept onto Cameron's face.

'Alison?' Dr Lewis said again. Now it was House's turn to look irritated.

'I guess I'm a little self conscious.' She said. She tried to take a bite but Dr. Lewis spoke again.

'Anyone in particular making you feel like this?' He asked.

'Oh for goodness sake!' House exclaimed. 'Let the girl eat!'

Dr Lewis scowled at House.

'Dr. House, it would be better if you sat elsewhere…'

'I want him here.' Cameron cut in. 'It helps.' She said to Dr Lewis.

'O.K. And so you want me here for support as well or would you like to talk about this in our next session?'

'I think I would be more comfortable talking about this in our next session.' Cameron answered smiling kindly at Dr Lewis. He nodded and smiled back. 'Thank you.' She said as he left.

House had never sat at lunch for so long before in his whole life- even when he had attempted to avoid on previous occasions by dragging out conversation with Wilson. But Cameron seemed happy enough and so he was happy. He was spending time with her and avoiding work. Brilliant.

'So do you think you'll be O.K. at home?' He'd let her eat her meal in silence: commenting about members of staff who walked by and chatting about a cashiers symptoms – but nothing that required her to talk back –instead just making her smile and laugh a little now and then. Now he turned his attention back to her, eyebrow cocked, studying her as she took small sips of her drink.

'I've made a fast recovery.' She said in a matter of fact tone. 'And I've had few set backs. No major. My weight and other stats are improving. He nodded to show he was pleased but he clearly wasn't satisfied.

'You're giving me the facts. But what about the feelings?' He said when she'd finished rattling off statistics.

She shrugged and turned to look at the clock behind her.

'Cameron.' He said firmly. She turned back. 'Do you think you'll be O.K. at home?'

'I'm doing good House.' She nodded, now trying to make him feel better. House couldn't help but think that she was trying to convince herself as much as him. She had wide innocent eyes and a hopeful smile. But House knew that there were still plenty of tears built up behind her eyes and that her hopeful smile was desperately keeping them at bay – for her sake and for his. She was so naïve… but that's why he loved her. …And that's why seeing her in the grip of such a cruel disease angered him and hurt him and toyed with his emotions more than anything that had ever screwed him up before...


	31. Eat For Me

_**But know there's no backing out… This is gonna be reality… You can never dream it down…**_

House walked into the hospital room to find food and broken plate strewn across the floor; a nurse bent down cleaning it up and Cameron standing in the corner of the room crying. Her paper thin hospital gown hung off her bones, her skinny arms wrapped around her.

'I'm so sorry!' She was sobbing. 'Just get it away. I can't do this.'

_To go home to an empty apartment… the hollowness of it inviting the hollowness to return deep inside. The same rooms full of the same habits and routines… the mirrors and treadmill… the smell of her blusher… the thick socks and baggy jumpers strewn around… the messages waiting on her machine… The fridge and cupboards that she had control over… the scales that she could stand on… the privacy that would allow her enemy to creep back in… the darkness and coldness and same old music and those heavy, dusty bookshelves…The locks and keys and bolts… she could block the world out…Blankets and wires and cables…that tangled up with her anger… and the bitterness and self hatred would breed in her eyes… in her mouth… in her stomach… If she stepped into the isolation, would she turn and look back? Would she bother to? Would she have the energy to?.. To turn back to help, to worry, to food, to love…Or would she sink into her icy reflection and shut the doors and blinds? Would she let the broken mirror piece itself back together, this time with her inside?…_

'_I can't do this!!…_'

House scanned the room, his narrowed blue eyes assessing the situation.

'House...' She started when she noticed him. He quickly took control.

'Come on.' He nodded towards the corridor. The nurse glanced up as Cameron slipped on some pumps and obediently followed, attempting to stifle the sobs that were still trying to escape. He expertly hooked her hoodie off of the back of the door with his cane before exiting the room. 'Here.' He gently tossed it to her. She quickly pulled it on. She trailed behind him silently as he headed into the elevator.

Once she'd calmed down she asked 'Where are we going?' They walked past the reception desk and out the front doors.

'Lunch.' He said.

'You brought your car.' Cameron looked ahead to the disabled parking space.

'It was raining.' Cameron glanced around at the dry ground.

'Not impressed by today's menu?' He asked climbing into the driver's seat. 'Not surprised.'

They drove in silence until House's cell buzzed. He notice Cameron tense and rolled his eyes.

'It could be important.' She said. He pulled over at the side of the road and flipped it open.

'Is Cameron with you?' It was Cuddy. 'A nurse just told me that…'

'Busy!' Was House's sharp response as he flicked a glance at an anxious Cameron.

'I take that as a yes.'

'Like I said… _busy_!'

'O.K.' He heard Cuddy calm herself with a sigh. 'Well….' Another pause. 'House – she was supposed to be discharged today!' She finally exclaimed and he could hear the worry and tears in her voice.

'I know.' He kept his voice steady for Cameron's ignorance's sake.

'Just… look after her.' She finally hung up, giving up on trying to control House in a situation she knew was impossible.

'House I'm not going in.' Cameron said hurriedly as House pulled up outside of a restaurant.

'Don't blame you – terrible décor.' He grabbed his cane and started out of the door. 'I'll get take out.'

'I'm not eating it.' Was the first thing she said when he climbed back into the vehicle and dropped two carrier bags onto the back seat. She looked over at him and added. 'I _can't_.'

'Because you… don't think you deserve to eat?' He half asked, half told, putting the car into gear and pulling away. She didn't reply. He drove for a while, sighed; frustrated and pulled over sharply at the side of the road. 'So you won't eat for yourself…'

'I could hardly eat for a patient.' The tears were threatening to spill again. He saw the hurt in his eyes and his anger died away, replaced by guilt.

'I bet if you knew the patient you'd have eaten something a lot quicker.' He tried to console her. She sniffed and shrugged, looking out of the window to break the intensity between them.

'Eat for me.' He suddenly said, challenging her. She whipped back around, shock and suspicion on her face.

'House…'

'What?' His eyes pierced hers. 'You care about me don't you?' She blinked, bit her lip, licked her lips and finally answered.

'Yes… but…'

'Then prove it.' He jumped in. 'You won't eat for yourself or your family or friends or a patient…' At patient she flinched and he mentally kicked himself… but continued… 'But will you eat for me?'

She swallowed and looked down. She looked back up and opened her mouth to speak. She closed it. She tried again.

'Why? So you can finally solve your case and go back to being just my boss?' House opened his mouth to reply, then stopped himself. He wanted to tell her that he could never go back to being just her boss… but instead said… 'Let's make this fun.'

'House, I'm not…'

'For everything you finish out of this bag, I'll tell you something.' He grabbed the carrier from behind. She frowned. 'Something about me.' He started to open the bag. She stared open mouthed. 'Come on! It'll be fun… well, for you!'

'So I eat and you tell me about yourself?' She stared incredulously. Admittedly it was an arrogant assumption for him to make – but he _was_ arrogant and he was clever… he knew what would entice her…

'You're always trying to figure me out. Now's your chance.'

'Which comes down to me… eating for you…' If nothing else, the tears were forgotten. She was narrowing her eyes, trying to work out the situation.

'In a way…' He growled avoiding a 'yes'.

'O.k.' She said surprising them both. He couldn't help but smile.

* * *

**Very important point!! : For this chapter I have to give a massive thank you to Skyler-A-Teloiv who had the awesome idea of the game that House suggests!! So thanks for that... I'm now working on how it will unfold!!**

Let me know what you think! Thanks!  
(Lyrics are Bright Eyes)


	32. House's Game

It started to rain and finally his earlier lie became true. He'd brought his car because Cameron was supposed to be leaving for home. He'd wanted to be the one to take her. Turned out, his car had come in useful… but for the wrong reason. He hoped the rain didn't ruin her mood…

He rummaged in the bag and she attempted to peer inside it, clearly oblivious to the hard spattering that echoed on the metal body of the car, instead chewing her bottom lip nervously.

'I have a selection. What ever you don't want, I'll have.' He said knowing she would be happy that he was eating too.

'Hot or cold?' This seemed to be a big decision for her and he almost wished he hadn't asked; resisting from another eye roll.

'I'm cold so I'll go for hot.' She said and he realised she was only in a paper gown and hooded top and quickly flicked the heating on. 'How much stuff did you get?'

'Relax. You don't have to eat it all!' He pulled out a sealed cup of soup. 'Don't do that!' He growled as she peered inside it and he could see her calculating calories and thinking… well whatever else went through her mind when it came to food. She looked up almost guiltily before sitting back in her seat, the soup cupped in her cold hands.

'So I drink this and you tell me something about yourself?'

'Yep.' He watched her.

'And do I get to ask?'

'Nope.' He pulled a sandwich out of the bag.

'But…'

'I make the rules.' Now Cameron rolled her eyes, sinking into the car seat and sipping at the soup.

House suddenly realised how long they would be there. But the rain was creating a curtain of purity between them and the world; their own little cocoon in the warm car….Cameron, calm and eating… he was feeling pretty content.

They sat in silence as Cameron made her way through the vegetable soup but it was a comfortable silence.

As she drained the last few drops, he broke out of his mind and his deep decision making and looked across at her. He studied her as she took tiny sips, both hands clutching the cup, her attention focused completely on the soup. Something pulled at him and he swallowed; his throat dry… he was scared because he knew he would tell her his deepest feelings... how could he not when her own were being displayed so vulnerably before him, in translucent skin and tiny, painfully thin frame?…When they sat, isolated, in a tiny little world of pain and a twisted comfort; created by them; for them. He thought about telling her something funny and embarrassing… something to deflect the seriousness off of himself… but he couldn't do that to her.

'I'm an idiot.' He said gruffly into the silence. She looked up at him mildly surprised but then frowned.

'That's all you're going to say after…'

'I hate being miserable.' She blinked at him. 'But I do everything I can to make myself miserable. I'm an idiot.' She watched him, waiting for him to continue. 'Being rude has its advantages.' He added. 'But being miserable…' He shrugged. 'Sucks.'

Then he was bringing two tubs of pasta salad out of the bag; one for Cameron, one for himself. Slightly shocked she copied him in opening the tub and beginning to fork out the pasta and salad; mostly the salad in her case. She felt herself trying not to gag at the smell of the salad dressing, something she had previously eaten a lot of; when she was fatter and her life was out of control and she herself was miserable.

One she had finished, House made another statement.

'I lied.' She used a napkin to wipe at her mouth and hands, trying to get rid of the smell and any trace of the food. 'When I told you my parents loved me unconditionally.' She focused on what he was saying.

'When we had that case – and you thought the boys Dad was abusing him?' She asked slowly, looking into his blue eyes curiously, feeling uncomfortable full but more uncomfortable with the situation.

'My own Dad...' His sighed slowly and quietly, eyes flicking around the car in his unease. 'He was a control freak. He was so _damned_ moral – I couldn't tell a lie or put one foot out of place without…' He stopped again.

'House.' Cameron breathed, 'You don't have to do this.' But he wasn't listening.

'He was a hypocrite. I couldn't do one thing wrong without him making me feel like I'd just committed murder... but he… he could punish; kick me out on a winters night, take away my meals, force me to take an ice bath…' He sighed heavily. 'All in the name of teaching me to be _good._' He trailed off and shook his head, the memories clearly too much. He looked over at her, his lips forming a thin sad smile, eyes large and unhappy… watching for a reaction. She blinked back tears and shook her head slowly. Before she could speak, his sadness had been iced over by those frosty blue eyes. 'Heard it all before, right? When I was young, I was scared and alone… but as I got older I just became bitter and resentful…. Always feeling like one big disappointment… You're typical child abuse story.' He had to turn it into a sarcastic remark. Cameron swallowed all the comments she would have usually come out with in such a situation. This was House, she reminded herself.

'Why did you tell me that?' She asked and he knew she didn't mean it in a rude or nasty way.

'Because I trust you.' He said quickly pulling a chocolate dessert out of the bag, knowing it would distract her.

'No House!' She exclaimed quickly and he saw he glance at the door, considering an escape.

'The more irrational the food is, the bigger the dirt I dish on myself.' He replied, back to his usual self.

She shook her head, opening her mouth to protest but as she did, he caught her eye.

'It'll be worth it.' He held her gaze powerfully. Something about the intensity in his eyes made her take the dessert. She studied it for a few seconds and then carefully peeled off the lid. She began to eat silently; carefully and determinedly spooning it into her mouth. House watched, pleased.

Half way through and she couldn't force any more inside of her… he could see the panic rising and spoke quickly.

'Well done.' She hardly looked at him in confusion through her attack of guilt and dismay… but she heard him. 'The last thing is more of a quick statement.' She must have heard the tension in his voice for she turned to him briefly, her questioning eyes attaching to his for a moment. But the repulsion she felt was still clear. She looked at the half eaten desert again, eyes widening in horror, breathing quickening, suppressing a gag. She looked around wildly desperately wanting to put the pot down –somewhere away from her – where the smell didn't make her want to throw up… somewhere where she couldn't see the sin she had committed. House swept into the midst of her blind panic. In one swift move, he pulled the pot and the spoon free from her grasp with his left hand and dropped it into the carrier bag, whilst moving his right arm, the arm closest to her, expertly around her back. He pulled her gently but quickly around to face him and as he did so, bent forwards to push his lips onto hers. After he'd shocked her into stillness he pulled away and said gruffly: 'I've wanted to do this… for a very long time.' He watched for the dazed consent to flicker into her eyes before gently but fiercely – if that was possible – kissing her again. Another moment of stunned stillness and then she was kissing back; her small arms wrapping around him as she pulled him closer. He wrapped her up in his strong arms and pulled her closer to him. Their kiss was passionate but fragile and lasted for what seemed like few precious seconds, yet was much longer.

'I didn't finish.' She finally said after catching her breath, now looking out at the rain.

He'd known she wouldn't be able to and was impressed she had eaten as much as she had. Impressed and pleased. But as he began to pull the car away, all he said was:

'Are you kidding!? The speed you eat…. I couldn't wait any longer.'

And she settled back into the passenger seat, smiling contentedly, savouring the taste of him on her lips, the chocolate pot lying forgotten in the carrier bag of remains.

* * *

Thanks again to Skyler-A-Teloiv for the idea of House turning it into a game!

Please review! I'd love to know what you all thought! Thanks everyone!

If there are any mistakes, I apologise - I haven't had time to check it over properly yet.


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